maybe i shouldnt be allowed to take into account how i think or feel when im in a state like this... but wow... everything was beautiful today, and i dont understand why i feel like it is crumbling now.

why do i do this to myself? to my body?

i didnt eat anything but sugar today. i didnt do anything but sit around. and stay up late.
i laughed. harder than maybe ever. felt alive. and felt good. but i dont feel good now. for obvious reasons. not a perfect state of mind. but then again.. maybe my thoughts are clearer than ever.

ohmygod.
sleep.

( i wonder sometimes if i am subconciously punishing myself...)

goodnight.