that "if" is bullshit.

I am rich.
(And not with cash... I'm so in debt to people.)

The great thing though, is that I really am energized.
Remember all those times when I was so mentally and emotionally overwhelmed that I thought I might break?

I kinda feel that way now,
except with energy, with joy, with excitement for my life right now.

FUCKK where do I begin? There is so much emotion exuding me right now that I am thinking too much for my brain to handle, and I am typing too fast for my mind to keep up.

I literally had to sit down where I was on the walk home from the library today because I absolutely had to write my thoughts down. I delayed it until the field, and though my apartment was only 30 seconds away, i had really developed this thought and I really didn't want to lose it (can you really lose a thought?)
I sat down and started scribbling it out.

It was an addition to my "how i write" paper from last year. after the staff meeting today at the writing center, i just felt amazing. being a part of that place is... one of the best things i have done with my life. its sort of the same feeling i get about camp.
that was arguably the best thing i ever did, was go work at Killoqua. i was a part of something. I was making a difference. people looked up to me. people were there to help me. i had fun. i recaptured more of my youth, and it is now more accessible to me.
just all these things; meeting people, learning skills, leading, working hard, having bad days but always having people to encourage me.
gah, i could go on forever.

anyway, i really feel like that is what the writing center is going to be for me at Evergreen. The people... are just incredible. So dedicated. And so alive.
Ready and willing to put themselves out there to make this college a better place, to make writing more accessible, to encourage, to laugh, to have fun and do work at the same time. I wouldnt even call it work.
Fuck, I am in the business of playing games and making connections and writing and talking and running and laughing and learning. seriously... its not work.
I havent started tutoring yet. that's next week. but Sandy invited me to work with this program called Growing Up. Its a writing class focused on play-writing. The assignment is to write a 1 act play surrounding family dynamics. ADORE!
I have always wanted to study play-writing. Now I get to make that connection.

There is this girl in the writing center. Her name is Jhaleh. She reminds me alot of Dana, the way she speaks, looks, acts. And she's just so humble yet sure of herself. She gives off this vibe of complete sincerity and kindness.
It is things like this, besides the actual practice of tutoring, that bring me excitment about my involvement in the center.

And then there is all the other knowledge I am going to gain this year that will make me even richer in experience.
I am learning spanish
and we are reading so much about linguistics and biodiversity and on and on and on.
and then all this might culminate into a trip to Peru?!?!

its almost... too much to handle.

Wow... i have soo much to say.
But I need to go DO.

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