this has been one of the hardest 24 hours of my life.
i feel guilty and angry and sad and lonely and sick...
im miserable. nothing new.
except she's gone.
if it was best for her than i can live with it... my choice. but its just hard for me to know since i wasnt there.
and i have so much anger for all these different things. and so much sorrow for her.
i cant even deal with this...
"i dont know what to say, look at what i lost today...
get your broom and sweep the echos of yesternights fallen freckles away." -RHCP
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"Each Day" Blog by Alexandria Chana Eisenberg is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
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1 comments:
a very hard day for me also . . . almost midnight and I am still up feeling guilty, angry, sad, lonely and sick. I am feeling all these things for Cinder but also very much for you. I am at peace with myself that it was the right decision . . . even though I struggled and doubted all last night about it, I knew in my heart today that it was what was right for Cinder or, I promise you, I would not have done it. I do trust my heart because it always feels things so deeply and I know very clearly what it was telling me. I hope that you will someday feel that peace, not because you were here to know, but because you trusted me to know. Mostly now I feel all those feelings for you because I wanted so desperately to spare you this pain, especially while you were so far away. I finally realized that in wanting so badly to protect you, I was forcing Cinder to deal with her pain longer than she probably should have . . . I know you didn't want that for her. My heart is relieved for her now that she is free but it aches for you as her pain now becomes yours/ours. You are not alone. Do not doubt Alex . . . you were a brave and loving friend to Cinder, especially today when she needed you to be. You saved her many years ago . . . you saved her today. She could not have wanted anything more and I know she was truly happy.
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