VagMons'12


Being a part of this show is the best thing I've done for myself in a LONG time. It's grounding for me, cathartic ... and ... wild. I haven't been around this many girls (only girls) I think ever. It's pretty incredible. And its kinda... alchemical: that energy coming together with the other things that have been brewing inside me. Something new is starting.

Rooms.

yumm.. Oyster mushrooms I grew. It was a kit, so growing them wasn't difficult, but I am still proud! I have to admit, they are kinda like friends to me...made my room less lonely. :)

Storm.


"Bring on the snow, and the wind. Let's make a new world, again."

.

"Sometimes it is good to step back from too many words, and simply live into a new phase of one’s life as directly as possible"

dreams

dreams

Gaby and Olivia

friends killing blue whales

cats keep on getting smushed

sailing

Kirsten

Cabin Leaders...

have the best timing. Just the other day I was thinking about one of the nightly readings Kaleigh did at camp this year. I was thinking of a particular one, but also in general that it would be nice to have one of those inspirational reminders about life, and what it can be if we don't get bogged down by all the pressure we face all the time. I guess I haven't checked my email for a while, but she sent a message on the 30th to everyone from Cabin 5, and I found it tonight. She said:

"For tonight's topic, I wanted to talk about new starts and resolutions. It's traditional, as the new year begins, for people to make resolutions about how they want to change or things they want to accomplish in the new year.
[...]
I want to encourage and challenge y'all to find what you love and keep at it, whether it's a school subject, a hobby, or a relationship. Find your passion and resolve to pursue it. As one of my favorite quotes points out, 'don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.'
[...]
Love,
Kaleigh
PA '06, Cabin 5 Mama '11

Here's your reading. It's from The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne, who is one of my heroes (though he hates when people say that about him).
'I fell in love with the Home for the Destitute and Dying and spent most days there. I helped folks eat, massaged muscles, gave baths, and basically tried to spoil people who really deserved it. Each day, folks would die, and each day, we would go out onto the streets and bring in new people. The goal was not to keep people alive (we had very few supplies for doing that) but to allow people to die with dignity, with someone loving them, singing, laughing, so they were not alone. Sometimes folks with medical training would come by and be overwhelmed with frustration because we has so few medical supplies, and the sisters would hastily explain that our mission was not to prolong life but to help people die well. As Mother Teresa would say (telling the old story about throwing starfish back into the ocean even though they continue to line the beach in thousands), "We are called not to be successful but to be faithful." That sounds good, but it was the beginning of my years of struggle with the tension between efficiency and faithfulness. I remembered Gandhi's saying that what we are doing may seem insignificant, but it is most important that we do it. So we did.

While the temptation to do great things is always before us, in Khalighat I learned the discipline of doing small things with great deliberation. Mother Teresa used to say, "We can do no great things, just small things with great love. It is not how much you do, but how much love you put into doing it.' "


I needed that so bad... to be reminded of that idea of "coming alive," and the challenge of finding what that means for me. I was crying on the phone to Cam today, about how indecisive I've been about next quarter, and lethargic I've felt and how much I've been sleeping. His response was: "well, if you were a bear all you would be doing right now is sleeping." I like that. It made me laugh. And it also makes me think about what it means to be alive. For a tree it means something different than a bear, but they are both fully alive, fulfilling their purposes as living creatures. Even if that just means sleeping to survive the winter; even if it just means growing taller every year.

For humans being alive I guess can mean all sorts of things too, but it gets all complicated because we have so much freedom to choose what that means and so many of us end up feeling dead while we're still breathing. The bears don't have that freedom though, and I guess that's what I've been struggling with is that... I don't have enough constraints, I have so many choices and it seems to me that the best designs usually come from a response to a prompt or some sort of structure. I mean that is a huge generalization, but it seems true. So how am I supposed to design a good life if I can do and be anything cause I want to do and be everything(there is so much that makes me come alive!) so I end up just spreading myself thin over everything and there isn't enough of me to sink in deep enough in a particular spot to do anything meaningful. and then I feel deadened...and exhausted and I eat too much and I can't get my ass out of bed at a decent time. which makes me worry that if I'm not doing enough this quarter then I will keep sleeping in and won't have time or energy or motivation to do anything and... damn, this is circular! but this is where my brain is getting stuck. and i haven't written for a long time (even in my journal) because i can't keep up with all this junk going on in there.

but anyway, back to the email from Kaleigh: it helped to know that other people are struggling with what I have been: "the temptation to do great things." man, i love how it is framed as a temptation... a distraction almost. like there are so many wonderful things that we could be doing everyday to make the world better for the people immediately surrounding us, but we get so caught up in these big schemes that we don't have energy left for the people we interact with face to face all the time. its like that Wendell Berry quote:
"no matter how much one may love the world as a whole, one can live fully in it only by living responsibly in one small part of it."

i want to do that. but what part? and how?

"we are not called to be successful, but to be faithful."
that...hits me hard. what a beautiful thought.


okay, i could keep writing, but its almost 2 and I need to pack for Oly.

(there ya go Cam... blog=occupied!)

Occupy Love

"Occupy Love will be a moving, transformative feature documentary that asks the question: how are the economic and ecological crises we are facing today a great love story?"

http://www.indiegogo.com/Occupy-Love

love

"Love is the felt experience of connection to another being. An economist says 'more for you is less for me.' But the lover knows that more of you is more for me too. If you love somebody their happiness is your happiness. Their pain is your pain. Your sense of self expands to include other beings. That's love, love is the expansion of the self to include the other. And that's a different kind of revolution. There's no one to fight. There's no evil to fight. There's no other in this revolution."
~ Charles Eisenstein

ya

"Though the problems of the world are increasingly complex, the solutions remain embarrassingly simple."
Bill Mollison

Words that don’t exist in the English language:

(I didn't compile this)

L’esprit d’escalier: (French) The feeling you get after leaving a conversation, when you think of all the things you should have said. Translated it means “the spirit of the staircase.”

Waldeinsamkeit: (German) The feeling of being alone in the woods.

Meraki: (Greek) Doing something with soul, creativity, or love.

Forelsket: (Norwegian) The euphoria you experience when you are first falling in love.

Gigil: (Filipino) The urge to pinch or squeeze something that is unbearably cute.

Pochemuchka: (Russian) A person who asks a lot of questions.

Pena ajena: (Mexican Spanish) The embarrassment you feel watching someone else’s humiliation.

Cualacino: (Italian) The mark left on a table by a cold glass.

Ilunga: (Tshiluba, Congo) A person who is ready to forgive any abuse for the first time, to tolerate it a second time, but never a third time.

yay!

i writed something good!
and i wanna show someone
but it's 3 am.

GO TO
SLEEP

bah! ideas today...
I'm bursting. its great, but crippling until i buckle down, which doesn't happen until everyone else is asleep.
maybe i should just re-accept that i work best (write best) in the middle of the night.

whoa, a post

Been reading and writing like crazy these past couple days. Berry, Circumference, On the Plaza, articles about the occupy movement (and there are about 30 on RS that I want to read). But I am overloading myself with ideas and have realized that my ability to frame ideas cohesively has been crippled somehow, probably by being inundated with an unmanageable amount of complex ideas. Or maybe I am just ignoring the process, unwilling to submit to the necessity of limiting my scope of exploration. What's that quote? "Tug on one thing and you will find it connected to everything else in the universe." something like that, and it has been my experience lately. But I don't know where to make the cut...

Part of the "problem" is that I have so many projects going on right now, I don't even know what to do, where to start, how much to focus/spread my energy. I've spent the majority of the past few days trying to explore ideas for my contract next quarter, meaning I have been disregarding the work I need to do for my contract this quarter (except that I found out that I get to go to a weekend workshop with my Uncle in a couple weeks on Bainbridge if I want).

Also, I taught myself a couple new things yesterday which I want to keep practicing. And I should be doing some Spanish every day, but I'm not. That should be one of my goals... starting now?

Mom found a perfect location for a Co-op in North Bend. When I saw it I was about ready to buy it right then and there. Oh, vision. It could be great. So now I've gotten a little crazy thinking I could write a contract where I do a feasibility study for a Co-op in North Bend, based on a model similar to the one in Oly.
But I really wanna keep doing urban studies (its sooo related though, Alex)
and I don't wanna be commuting between here and there...
but I do want to start that project. Especially now that I know there is so much internal interest in the community. Side project on top of school? (You're insane).

To do:
-practice Spanish daily
-email people interested in starting a co-op, set up interest meeting to be held during x-mas break, start FB group/page/whoa!
-write up for Circumference project, send to group, finish reading Circumference
-keep compiling resources/brainstorming for potential urban space/play contract, find sponsor
-figure out what class(es) to register for --go to Academic Fair, Wednesday
-email evergreen peeps back about summative eval panel (after meeting with reena, monday)
-put together presentation AND paper for current contract, make it exciting!
-finish other work for current contract
-"NaNoWriMo"
-finish making the things
-email people about the other things (carolyn i am starting to sound like you)
-watch movie in spanish, write review/response in spanish

ok. just one question: WHEN?
I swear.. I have been working on one of these things or another pretty much straight for the past two days besides sleeping.

oh, don't forget:
-Veg food for thanksgiving
-soccer party friday!
-photo-shoot/baby shower saturday


enough spewing. back to it.
i am enjoying myself, btw. just somewhat overwhelmed. whelmed? dunno
AHHH

The Revolution is Love.


-Ian MacKenzie, Charles Eisenstein, November 11, 2011

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ours To Love.

Maybe you will listen now.


These people are,
and this world is
ours to love.

As humans we are young, we are naive,
and we do not collectively have something to look to for guidance.
many of us are lost. we all have our own ways.:
some of us find comfort in religion.
some of us find satisfaction helping other people.
some of us are content to stray without direction.
We are all different.
But we are all together, and that is the important part.
We are all together as a community in this loss,
We are all together as a race in this world,
and we are all together as living creatures in this universe,
and we need to realize that together we can make and break lives.

because we have a power. It is a power that we all utilize in different ways.
Humans, through all their flaws, have the capacity for love,
and if we open our hearts that capacity will fill to its infinite brim.
However, if you think about it, love is also responsible for hate.
Hate is driven by love. It is for the love of something that we employ hate to protect that which we love - an idea, a religion, a person, a way of life...
but rather than closing the doors on "conflicting" ideas ect, why do we not remember the age old adage "live and let live"?
The reasoning behind this cliché is that no one person is the same - as you can see by looking around you right now - but that our differences are a gift which present us with the chance and the choice to love.
Sadly do not always take it that chance. In fact, I would say it is rare for any one person to show love to every other person that they meet.
Why? Because that calls for complete acceptance,
and acceptance requires strength, and we are weak.
But we are weak only as long as we allow ourselves to be.
I say NO MORE. I choose strength. I choose acceptance.
I choose to open my life up to the possibility of love without force.
It is time to be strong, for ourselves and for everyone else.
It is time to cast aside ignorance and fear of the unknown
and embrace the truth that we are all here together and we need each other.
It is time for a revolution in the name of love.

Love and life go hand in hand:
Without life there is no one to love.
Without love there is no reason for life.

-Me, January 2, 2008

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Revolution.

Run

"DROP EVERYTHING GET UP AND RUN

RUN to the side of your brothers and sisters who fight on your behalf

RUN to the footsteps and doors of office buildings full of those still sleeping

STOP what you are doing whatever it may be and RUN

STOP watching the news

STOP checking for status updates

STOP driving your car, literally pull over get out and RUN

PUT DOWN your cell phone and coffee, ok maybe not the coffee

LEAVE BEHIND the comfort of your warm home

LEAVE BEHIND outdated modes of thought

LEAVE BEHIND anything and everything that is holding you back and RUN

WHAT IF you could be the straw that breaks the camals back

WHAT IF your presence would help make those around you stronger

WHAT IF you could actually change the world

WHAT IF you could inspire people to want to at least try

IMAGINE IF it worked

IMAGINE IF every single person you know started running right now

running to the side of our brothers and sisters standing in the cold

holding onto every hope they've ever had of making things better

COULD YOU decide that everything you left behind was not as important as our future?

COULD YOU ignite the fire in your heart that's been slowling burning out

the fire that used to guide your way, telling you that all things are possible

TELLING YOU that you have the right and the responsibility to no longer be silent

TELLING YOU to use your voice to defend those who cannot speak and who cannot run

WOULD YOU use that fire to set the world ablaze and watch it burn? or

WOULD YOU use a spark to ignite the hearts of everyone around you

WOULD YOU feed that fire until it burned so hot that they couldnt stop themselves from running?

running to the sides of our brothers and sisters keeping themselves warm only

by the embers in their hearts.

DO YOU BELIEVE that the there is something worth saving

DO YOU BELIEVE that you are strong and powerful, if not by yourself than together with others

DO YOU BELIEVE you could make sacrifices to be a part of something bigger than yourself?

then let any reason you have, any little spark of life you find worth defending, ignite your heart

and RUN"

-Jessica Armstrong

Invitations

"It doesn't interest me what you do for a living
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dreams
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your
fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand on the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes."

It doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after a night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments."

Oriah Mountain Dreamer

responsibility

"the ability to respond to the need of the moment."

fall

you can't just go halfway down
you have to go all the way.

voice membrane

"The actual human voices we hear form and fade like pond-ripples; that is their mystery. Often we misread them as solid objects, like stones or stars, because we're used to carved steel, printed text, digitalized recordings of the fluttering larynx and its small warm wet wind, the vibration which reaches out and shivers skin inside our ears and the watery electricity of our brains. One way of remembering that voices are not things is to recall that one of those voices is our own: a dark resonance in a solid tongue and bone, which is not tongue and body themselves. It is the breath of our bow across the larynx our violin. It is in fact our body, vibrating, as it grasps the world alternatively, a casting of our body upon the air."

the convergence

of everything.

oh, synchronicity...


[Quetzal Quetzal Mare]

"this is an occupation, not a wedding!"

::quote of the day, brought to you by the OccupyOly listserv. it was funnier in context, and by that i mean my own.

---------------------------------------------------
A list of things I want to remember or think more about

People:
RC
Mom
Carolyn
Joan Jett
Joan Hitchens
David Hitchens
Tom Ward (helllo)

Things that are buzzing:
"Awkward Walks"
Sounds of Resistance
Occupy Writers
mapsss
flies (flies)
fleas (fuck)

Death:
dead whales
dead dogs
dead flies
dying flies
dying leaves
dying person

Words&concepts (of perplexity/complexity/someplexity):
"occupation"
"sustainability"
"empowerment"
"independence"
"peace"
"skookum"
(and a whole slew of others)

Food:
Chard
Eggplant
and lotsa green things
plus grapes

Dreams:
3 layers deep
discovery in my sleep

Updates:
walking without a boot
hell, walking without a brace even.
training for a marathon
competing in the climbing comp tomorrow!
not

there are a massive amount of sirens in the streets tonight.

-------------------------------------------------------

i will start writing again soon, probably.