While she starts the water and measures the pasta,
he sets the table and peels the garlic.
She cuts up brocolli, strips snow peas, readies fish-
he presses the garlic, fixes her a kir and him a gin
she saute's the vegetables while he grates cheese,

readies the candles and puts flowers on the table.
She puts pasta in the boiling water and fixes salad.
which he takes to the table with the cheese.
She mixes a salad dressing, he opens the wine
and takes it to the table where everything is ready,
except for the pasta. so he lights the candles
and puts salad from a big walnut bowl into small ones.

Now she or he brings the pasta, greens and fish
mixed in, and they sit to talk, drink wine and eat.
Though October, they sit on a small screened porch
in the back of the house, where they have lived
for twelve years of their twenty together,
the last six, the children gone, alone.
Once, during dinner, if they stop talking
and listen to the music, they may, without drama,
hold hands a moment, almost like a handshake
by now, most friendly, confirming the contract,
and more. She is a pretty woman of 51, who has
kept herself trim and fit. He is 56 and hasn't.

Later, they will clear the dishes and clean up,
and she will bring tea and fresh fruit to bed,
where they will watch a little television or not,
with herbal tea and the fruit. After that, if
they make love or not, they will talk a long time,
her work or his, the budget, the middle east,
this child or that, how good dinner was, how
easy it is, the times like this, when it's simple.

~Easy, by Roland Flint.

that's right, folks (folk? self?)

two of my close girl friends have become entirely smitten in the past week. both made quite the connection with a guy, each upon their first meeting (/online encounter). both the man-folk live abroad (in other cities nearby, that is) but apparently are perfectly peculiar, and match the quirks of each gal in uncanny ways.

why is this notable?

no clue, except that both happened almost at the exact same time, and both ladies have been updating me constantly (to my delight) about the progression of their interactions, and at times I almost lose track of what is happening with who. but its neat to experience, even as an "onlooker." I now know that the giddiness that comes from this beginning part of a relationship can also be felt vicariously, especially when the situations are reminiscent of your own experiences.

sorry (or not so much) about my writing style tonight. Lord of the Rings and Michelle (and probably the people from the Netherlands who are living in our house right now) are rubbing off on me. and also, i am tired, and have a lot on my mind, and a lot to write about, and not the braincells to censor myself too thoroughly. not that there's much to censor, minus a strange/awkward turn of phrase.

but anyway, yes. love is in the air.

Been feeling somewhat angry at the world. Or, a lot. But yesterday helped--catching up with some awesome ladies. And my quest prep has been grounding and immensely powerful too. And, duh, backpacking with Carolyn=incredible. Lots to think about. Lots to write about, but most of that is going to be private for now.

But I do wish to express my anger and frustration at this moment, just to get it out of my system. Consider yourself warned.

So... basically... here's the thing: I am fucking sick of (mostly) old (mostly) white (mostly) males running the world! FUCKING SICK OF IT.ARG


So, as you can probably tell, the green building code symposium went well.
I mean, I guess I am getting used to being the youngest person at those things, and being surrounded by grey-haired people in fat-suits...er, fat people in grey suits...er suits with phat grey hair (...not judging, just noticing) [Am I gonna lose potential jobs over this?]. And I am getting used to hearing them talk about merely reducing our utter destructiveness in a business-polite fashion in their business-casual vernacular/clothing blabitty blah blah bull. Needless to say I bit my tongue a bunch but couldn't stifle a few loud exhale sounds that probably made some bushy, grey caterpillar-eyebrows cock their butts in the air (or their heads, but its really hard to tell anyway). But hear-you-me, I would have spoken my mind if I wasn't volunteering or representing the Guild by association.

Like, "um, excuse me... you don't want to put a better code into law because then people who are always pushing the boundaries would somehow suddenly find it acceptable or beneficial to shoot for the lowest standard? and even if they did, the lowest standard would call for much more efficiency across the board which would be better in the long term anyway because we wouldn't have wasted all the resources making more shitty buildings. i mean, its not like we've been waiting for years for everyone to jump on the already super green-washed (with '100% natural' soap) bandwagon of 'sustainability.' and you are saying we shouldn't create laws that mandate 'green' building because then it won't be cool anymore? might that perspective be because the success of your company/paycheck depends on your 'green-building' offerings being on the cutting edge, which wouldn't be the case if better building practices became the mandated standard?"

Once again, it was a dog-fight between the private and public sector...
So why not both? Why not market-based incentives AND regulatory solutions? WHY WHY WHY? I think I understand. It's all about money. But it sounds like this:
"Because I am a man, and don't understand the meaning of compromise" "NO! I am a man and I have all the answers, but they are better than yours" "I am man! HEAR ME ROAR! in my suit. and tie. and... beer belly..." "oh! and I am a woman and I have an opinion too! but it's still based off this bullshit reality of market economies and what is or isn't feasible in our ridiculous government system. but i know how this part of the world works because i have been working in this unfortunate field since the dawn of the dinosaurs. RAR!"

Okay, okay. I'm not being very fair at all. They genuinely care (probably). They donated their time to spend at this thing, and have dedicated their lives to trying to contribute to a more beautiful (?) world, and they are doing it in the ways they know how.

But it doesn't help if you get in the way of people who are doing the things that make the difference. And if you live in a bubble of relative security, ignorant or ignoring-ant of the actual real-life physical/emotional/metaphysical/hubalal impacts of the things you are talking about.

I know. I know. It's too complex (aka time intensive, aka expensive) to consider everything. We are all just doing our best. Hopefully for the common good, but it's hard to tell sometimes, especially when one of the presenters was like "yup, i was in the regular old building design business and i moved to green building when it became profitable."

in the meantime, all these old people in my life are telling me "that's just how people are, we need to take advantage of it by creating incentives and propaganda etc." so shoot. i guess i better just call that acceptable. (*retch*) but its effective! i know it. (*retch*) 

would you believe me if I said I DONT I DONT KNOW WHO TO BELIEVE? or what to do? or... who I am...

and on that note:

"What if I should discover that the poorest of the beggars and the most impudent of offenders are all within me; and that I stand in need of the alms of my own kindness, that I, myself, am the enemy who must be loved -- what then?” -CG Jung

Cameron and I watched all the Lord of the Rings movies since graduation. Watching them, I have decided I want to try to live my life as a great and noble quest. To live with more conviction about my duty and passion, and to embody dedication to what I care for. To keep questioning myself and others, and to continue asking, but to speak with strength and beauty, even in uncertainty. Cameron always encourages me to say things, even if I am unsure about their truth. There is probably no avoiding this in any case, but it is a difficult task to take on consciously. I am getting better.

Now that I am able to slow down, I can start to integrate. There is much to be integrated, but I am able to be more conscious of and committed to the processes necessary. I do not have to force so much anymore--things just emerge: poetry, activity, other things that have no name. Synchronicity and a sense of rightness surround me like humid air, and hold me.

There is still doubt. Fear, regret, loneliness, disappointment, frustration. And I would be a fool to think that panic will not overtake me again. But it is nice to know that I can find pockets like this where there is peace.

Last night, at the sunset, Carolyn and I discussed her situation and it brought up something that I had been thinking about in relation to my own life. How much we (as a society) value obtaining independence, particularly financially. In many situations, this is more than a value but a need. In any case, we consider those who are not financially independent as some sort of failure. But in this moment, I am not financially independent, and do not yet have plans or a need to be, especially in this time of emotional and spiritual shifting. I am a highly privileged person with the the unique opportunity for a season of stillness.

For a time I had been thinking "Oh, how selfish am I? I am emotionally turbulent and need this time to heal. I am bringing no good to the world. I am just sucking up resources and life." But now I can see that in my personal healing, I am healing parts of the world. And even in the absence of immediate demand upon me, I have much to offer. Yes, I have so much to give right now and how wonderful it is that I only need to focus on that--on shifting the energy of the world, inwardly and outwardly. I have time. I can use that time to benefit the world. The failure would be if I remained only a consumer--able but unwilling to give back.

There is no ignoring it: this is a privilege that most people cannot enjoy. I do not take that lightly. I feel the gentle weight of my responsibility in this time. There is much in it, but it does not feel heavy because it does not feel urgent, though much of it is. The fact that I have the time to spend on it brings me peace and encouragement.

This season... once again some combination of middle fork, flashing lights, and goodbyes; thunder or rain or both. leaning against the refrigerator or the back-hatch crying. some combination. some spiraling synchronicity. i just followed the 8's but who knows?

Day 1: I miss you.
But mostly I am just sorry. I wish I and the world would quit squandering the precious things; quit casting our gaze carelessly over all the riches we are free to enjoy, all the moments that are already perfect; quit destroying what is, for want of something more or better.

It's a fine line. There is much work to be done. Or maybe to be undone. Like the undammed Elwha with its salmon finally coming home. All we had to do was remove our doing. All we had to do was allow.

Tonight Carolyn and I sat with the sunset.  The western sky this summer keeps taking my breath away. The enormous orange sun and blinded me, as I looked toward you. You must have been looking at the splash of clouds too because I felt you close.

Well according to spell check, undammed isn't a word. But it will be. It will take undoing, and simply being, and allowing, and maybe even fighting but
I have seen concrete hearts crack, and love spill out years of suppressed tears, falling ceaselessly down as we stand at the bottom speaking fiercely to the mountain, out loud, I love you.

If I had religion, if I had one prayer, that would be it. Over and over tumbling down my heart and through my veins touching everything.

I face the mountains to say it once but like water it isn't just one, it is all, and it opens cracked concrete wide and fills the empty spaces, flowing.

“Young lovers see a vision of the world redeemed by love. That is the truest thing they ever see, for without it life is death.”
― Wendell Berry, Jayber Crow: A Novel

My last week of college (through which I have sought desperately for hope) and my teacher prefaces a thought with:
"i just wanted to quickly point out the reason why none of our efforts will come to anything..."

AWESOME!
luckily the point wasn't even news, or shocking after an entire quarter of hope-shattering, but I still found it amusing in a morbid way. I don't know how some people continue to live in this world, myself included. At least I fall apart and sob for a few hours every day and consider the possibility that I might not want to live in the world. No, I'm not suicidal (at least, not any more than I have been since age 13), I just think about it a lot. No worries. I am bound... caught in the personal responsibility vortex, where nothing we do matters but we can't not do anything. Well... I suppose I don't believe that anyway. Of course it matters. It matters to the people (and non-people) around us, right now. It's like the starfish story: "it matters to that one."
It just feels like everything's a coin toss, or worse. How does good outweigh evil if evil has more power and resources, and being good depletes your resources? Not that I want to think in terms of good/evil since it's not so cut and dry, but... monsanto compared to a food co-op I guess is my point. Also... what constitutes resources? Love is a resource right, and one that is inexhaustible and self-perpetuating (i think, i hope), and it's at least no less real than the money we so-often base our lives on. Oh, I thought of a helpful equation:
love doubles, or at least grows, when spread.
radiation halves and dissipates.
It's an emotional idea shoved into a semi-logical math problem and yea, it's dumb, but if you were in my brain right now, that really wouldn't matter. I'm just trying to find some hope.

Hope. You know? That thing that gets you up in the morning when you're depressed. The idea that propels you forward when all else seems lost. The thumb that you stick out when you are ejected into outer space and have like .33 milliseconds to get picked up before you implode. You know: Hope.
I see the problems with it:
You get your hopes up. They aren't realized. You're disappointed/devastated, or feel wasted.
Or maybe you rely too much on hope alone and don't do anything to make something happen, or not happen, or change.
I get it.
But it's still valuable. It's worth like a hundred buckets in some situations (though I suppose in some situations a bucket equates to hope.......... beside the point). Hope helps, sometimes. If something is hopeless, why continue with it? That's how I know Bret has hope, even though he says those things, even though they are grounded in logic. He has kids. He is still fighting.

Derrick Jensen, in his article Beyond Hope, give the definition: "hope is a longing for a future condition over which you have no agency; it means you are essentially powerless [...] Many people say they hope the dominant culture stops destroying the world. By saying that, they’ve assumed that the destruction will continue, at least in the short term, and they’ve stepped away from their own ability to participate in stopping it." but... it doesn't always work that way. sometimes it is the hope, the possibility, that is only reason you can muster the ability to keep trying in the face of great odds. At least for me, in many instances, it is hope that propels or initiates action. If life is meaningless and there is no hope and nothing can do about nuclear radiation killing us all, then fuck, I might as well just stop lamenting what can't be changed and forget about trying to change it and just enjoy my life like nothing is wrong. Or off myself... Not that I could do those things, but isn't that Camus' existentialism in a nutshell? And don't people subscribe to that? Hope that there is meaning, hope that meaning can continue, hope that life can continue allows us to try to do what is in our power to make that happen. To try. To try hard. To fight like hell.

Though, now I'm all confused because I was thinking about all the reasons I've found myself hoping for collapse... but is that something I would want to try to make happen? Probably not... even though I think its the quickest way to halt the extractive, destructive machine of human society that's out of control. And I also realize collapse wouldn't solve the issue of nuclear. Damnit. It's like K-19. (Don't put shit like that on a submarine. Or a planet.) Hmm, that makes me think: Maybe this issue is something that's been after me my whole life, giving me clues and cues to pick up on, until the right moment when it could attack and I would understand. I was fascinated by that movie even though it disturbed me so deeply. And now that disturbance is resounding times a hundred million squared. I have to do something about it. And in order to do that, I have to be able to hold onto some hope that something effective can be done. I don't know if I have that yet, which explains my equation (and the sobbing). But now we're back to me falling into Jensen's trap...just trying to find a way to feel like even if nothing changes, it's still okay. Which it isn't. But what if there is nothing we can do? Is love the backup parachute? Not just. It also helps in other ways.
...blah, rambling.

geez. i'm tired.  oh.. that's cause its really late.
so much for homework... though I guess this is.
goodnight

I'll take a compliment first though:
"Dear Alex Courage Eisenberg..Ms. WiseBeyondHerGeneration (and maybe many of ours)..thank you for giving back!" --
gosh. there it is. love just spiraling out and out and out...

"you have strong medicine inside you"

Terry Tempest Williams has said, "Perhaps the most radical act we can commit is to stay home." When asked what she meant by that, this was her answer:

" I really believe that to stay home, to learn the names of things, to realize who we live among... The notion that we can extend our sense of community, our idea of community, to include all life forms — plants, animals, rocks, rivers and human beings — then I believe a politics of place emerges where we are deeply accountable to our communities, to our neighborhoods, to our home. Otherwise, who is there to chart the changes? If we are not home, if we are not rooted deeply in place, making that commitment to dig in and stay put ... if we don't know the names of things, if don't know pronghornantelope, if we don't know blacktail jackrabbit, if we don't know sage, pinyon, juniper, then I think we are living a life without specificity, and then our lives become abstractions. Then we enter a place of true desolation."

by William Stafford

We live like this: no one but
some of the owls awake, and of them
only near ones really awake.

In the rain yesterday, puddles
on the walk to the barn sounded their
quick little drinks.

The edge of the haymow, all
soaked in moonlight,
dreams out there like silver music.

Are there farms like this where
no one likes to live?
And the sky going everywhere?

While the earth breaks the soft horizon
eastward, we study how to deserve
what has already been given us.

It has been quite the past couple of days. I feel like I need to get a lot of writing and thinking done, and here is as good a place to start as any. Well... I guess the place to start is Saturday, when Cam and I drove up to Seattle. I went to run the Free Them 5k which aims to fight human trafficking. I ran to support the cause, but wouldn't have done so except that I also wanted to support Becca, stand in solidarity with her and her passions (not that I am not passionate about it too). It was an interesting experience to say the least, but I guess I don't really want to get into the details. After the race we waited for the bus near a fallout shelter. I was already riled up from conversations I'd overheard in the car and at the race, and a discussion with Nathan I'd had that morning, and then with the general atmosphere of the running event. I realize I was experiencing culture shock having come directly from Olympia into a very large concentration of christians, and having been on the highway/in a car so long, and then witnessing the waste and the indulgence of the event. It was a lot. And then there was the boat party -- a birthday party for Nathan's boss. I can't really even go there. The juxtaposition of my life in Oly with the entire day of exposure to things I am already sensitive about just left me exhausted.

Then I got home and witnessed how dedicated my parents have been to making changes in their lives, largely in response to my passions. It was beautiful and Dad and I did some work on the new garden plan while mom had to go back to Seattle for a call-in at the hospital. This work and seeing this transformation and being outside was revitalizing after a hard day. After Dad and I were pooped I went inside to veg-out online and came across something that has since sent me into a spiral of despair. It was a video on what a particular country is doing with its nuclear waste. In class we have been discussing nuclear power and its implications on all sorts of levels from what radiation is to how it causes cancer and how long it lasts and how fragile our infrastructure for it is. So we are already playing god, and this video just took it to another level of hubris that I can't even.... think about if I want to function. The problem is, I WANT to think about it. I don't want to live in ignorance. I want to KNOW so I can have the power, or at least the awareness, necessary to make change. But it is a heavy heavy burden to know... and the rest of the night was pain.

The next morning, feeling desperate for expression of my emotions and for guidance and support with what I was facing (what we are all facing) I wrote to FaceTribe... online community of people who live, think, feel more like me than I have ever experienced. I had seen the way they (we) have responded to other tribe members in times of need, and I realized that I can ask for help too. I wrote:

"Dear Tribe,
I find myself so in need of tribe recently. I have never truly opened up here, but today I need to. I'm sorry this heavy post comes on Mother's Day.

Last night was one of the most painful I've experienced.


From recent discussions in class, to watching an online documentary I have been discovering the horrors of nuclear waste, and last night the reality and magnitude and longevity of the problem finally all made it to my heart. I've never been so scared for the world that I love so much.


Home for the weekend, I tried to talk to my Dad. I was sobbing, and he was so "business" about it. He understood why I was hurting, but he wasn't hurting in the same way, and he tried to talk me out of feeling the pain I was feeling without knowing the whole story. That just made me feel more pain...anger towards him for not feeling the pain, for discrediting the validity of mine, and then for not having done anything about this problem, and for bringing me into this world knowing what I would have to face. ...And that he just stood there while I sobbed, holding facts to my grief.


This left me feeling utterly alone. My own father did not have guidance or emotional support for me in this time of need. I felt like there were no elders to look to, and even if there were, I was angry at them. I called two friends, and one of them said the only thing that needed to or could have been said which was: "Just go ahead and cry, you don't have to say anything. Thank you so much for feeling this pain you are feeling." Then, she talked softly to me about how much she wished she could be here with me, holding me, falling asleep next to me, and waking up in the morning to make blueberry pancakes.


Her tenderness and understanding calmed me down a bit. But laying in bed later, 100,000 years became an unfathomable number again, and all the images that were haunting me resurfaced. I felt resentful of, and let down by, the past generations. I felt angry at myself too, and began to think that I didn't ever want to bring anyone new to this world with so much pain to feel for so many problems that we've caused and left for them.


I wrote: "What an awful thing to feel hatred for one's own ancestors. But I do, for being left with no guidance about what to do in the face of such an unprecedented, dangerous, wounded, and diseased reality. I do not want to hand this to someone else, to any others, to have to face, to have to address... I do not want others to have to feel the consequences of things they did no choose."


I put my journal down and cried more. Then for whatever reason, I started speaking out loud, into the future, begging them to know that I did care about them and that I did try for them. And I just said over and over through my tears "Please know that I loved you and that I tried....I'm trying."


After a while of repeating this, I began to hear it newly, not as a message from me to the future, but as a message to me from the past. And I realized, that someone sometime somewhere had said this prayer for me too. Maybe many people had. Maybe most people had. But if so why is the world still as it is?


I don't know what else to say. What you all offer here in FaceTribe so often helps me feel less alone, less daunted. Any words, poems, advice, love... I would gladly accept today.

Thank you."

Just writing it helped. Posting it even more so. And then receiving the unbelievable outpouring of love that I did over the next few days has allowed me to survive and begin the slow, maybe never-ending process of moving through and working with this pain. These 15+ people who responded (all of them "strangers" but one) bringing me into their hearts, hearing me, acknowledging and affirming my pain, loving me, sharing resources with me, and feeling with me have empowered me to continue.

Yesterday, in the Cultivating Voice class for the Writing Center, we were talking about difficult types of sessions. Sometimes it seems like people come into the center (maybe like an hour before a paper is due) seeking affirmation that what they have written is "ready" to turn in, seeking easy answers, rather than seeking a discussion about ways to move forward with the paper or ways to improved their overall writing process. Sandy said something like: "if you are always granted validation about your ideas, how do you learn how to trust yourself?" It reminded me of what Cam had said about not wanting to become an emotional crutch for me (I realize that isn't an exact quote either, but it is basically what I took away from something he said at one point).

I think both these ideas are valuable to consider and to keep in mind, but their importance does not negate the value and power of affirmation. No, it isn't our job to tell the student "yes, this paper is ready to submit." But as Ben demonstrated in his role play with Norma Alicia (who was acting as a panicked student wanting affirmation about her paper), we can acknowledge their emotions... validate, at least, the fact that they are feeling panic and pain. She said, once he did that, she felt the panic recede and she could look at the situation more clearly.

We don't have to give easy answers that are not authentic, we only have to acknowledge, with openness and love and acceptance, where someone is, and encourage them to proceed.

Life is already so difficult and confusing. We live in a world so full of unanswerable questions. It is nice to be validated in our experience some of the time... and at the very least, to not feel like what you are experiencing is invalid. When I was crying to dad he said: "you are getting yourself so worked up over something without knowing the whole reality of it." When I told Bret I was struggling emotionally with the content of the class he told me he didn't know what to say, "the subject matter is what it is." I wasn't looking to ignore the reality in either instance. I was facing it, head on and trying to navigate it. All I wanted was compassion.

One of the students in Cultivating Voice said something about the power of looking to elders (or "those who have gone before") for guidance (which is what I so desperately wanted this weekend and in my convo with Bret). Maybe its not even just having someone who's gone before, but having a witness. To some degree I think we all want to be heard, seen, acknowledged, validated by someone in this crowded, confusing, chaotic world where everything is judged and scrutinized and difficult. Having a witness... having a mirror... having an acknowledgment that what you are saying, doing, feeling is not invalid, and that it is okay or even powerful, can make all the difference in whether or not we continue to pursue truth, writing, life...

My tribe, when posed with my questions and pain, did not have easy answers for me. They did not tell me what I needed to do. They just encouraged me in my experience. They held me up. They thanked me. They said they trusted my emotions. They told me I was not alone in feeling them. They bowed to me. They breathed with me. They invited me to them and to places of healing. They reflected with me and reflected me. They felt with me. They loved and loved and loved me. And that made all the difference.

Love is incredibly powerful. I'd like to believe that its impacts are more powerful and more lasting than any other type of power (including nuclear). I don't know how that is true, or how it could be true evolutionarily or otherwise, but my heart believes it... even if my brain questions it. Class this quarter has made me question (at times) if love even exists at all. Silly, I know, and shocking to hear, probably... but true. I mean, the class has forced me to question a lot of assumptions I hold around humanity and life and self and, well, just about everything. And that has been good. But I guess I am realizing that nothing (no logic, no reasoning, nothing) can steal love from my heart, from the world. The only thing that seems to have come close to doing that is hatred, but, then again, I believe even that can't exist without love.



Phew! Lots more to say, but I'm going to release this into the world so I feel that I at least got some of it out. Thank you for reading.

love each other better.

"Occupy Love will be a moving, transformative feature documentary that asks the question: how are the economic and ecological crises we are facing today a great love story?"

http://www.indiegogo.com/Occupy-Love

"Love is the felt experience of connection to another being. An economist says 'more for you is less for me.' But the lover knows that more of you is more for me too. If you love somebody their happiness is your happiness. Their pain is your pain. Your sense of self expands to include other beings. That's love, love is the expansion of the self to include the other. And that's a different kind of revolution. There's no one to fight. There's no evil to fight. There's no other in this revolution."
~ Charles Eisenstein

-Ian MacKenzie, Charles Eisenstein, November 11, 2011

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ours To Love.

Maybe you will listen now.

These people are,
and this world is
ours to love.

As humans we are young, we are naive,
and we do not collectively have something to look to for guidance.
many of us are lost. we all have our own ways.:
some of us find comfort in religion.
some of us find satisfaction helping other people.
some of us are content to stray without direction.
We are all different.
But we are all together, and that is the important part.
We are all together as a community in this loss,
We are all together as a race in this world,
and we are all together as living creatures in this universe,
and we need to realize that together we can make and break lives.

because we have a power. It is a power that we all utilize in different ways.
Humans, through all their flaws, have the capacity for love,
and if we open our hearts that capacity will fill to its infinite brim.
However, if you think about it, love is also responsible for hate.
Hate is driven by love. It is for the love of something that we employ hate to protect that which we love - an idea, a religion, a person, a way of life...
but rather than closing the doors on "conflicting" ideas ect, why do we not remember the age old adage "live and let live"?
The reasoning behind this cliché is that no one person is the same - as you can see by looking around you right now - but that our differences are a gift which present us with the chance and the choice to love.
Sadly do not always take it that chance. In fact, I would say it is rare for any one person to show love to every other person that they meet.
Why? Because that calls for complete acceptance,
and acceptance requires strength, and we are weak.
But we are weak only as long as we allow ourselves to be.
I say NO MORE. I choose strength. I choose acceptance.
I choose to open my life up to the possibility of love without force.
It is time to be strong, for ourselves and for everyone else.
It is time to cast aside ignorance and fear of the unknown
and embrace the truth that we are all here together and we need each other.
It is time for a revolution in the name of love.

Love and life go hand in hand:
Without life there is no one to love.
Without love there is no reason for life.

-Me, January 2, 2008

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Revolution.

or rented

"callmedelilahtheniwouldn'tcare"

i am angry
and guilty
and ugly

i don't want to see anyone
or do anything

i feel beaten to near death.
my heart is hardly trying anymore

what can
how can...

i want to heal wholly.

i feel empty
i hate everything

i can't find hope
anywhere.

i am angry
i am guilty
i am sick
and sick of
you
and sick for
you
and sick with
anger
guilt
hatred because i fucking let myself love again.

"Days are just drops in the river to be lost always"
im typing at a wall and all i want is to be talking to someone.