Been feeling somewhat angry at the world. Or, a lot. But yesterday helped--catching up with some awesome ladies. And my quest prep has been grounding and immensely powerful too. And, duh, backpacking with Carolyn=incredible. Lots to think about. Lots to write about, but most of that is going to be private for now.
But I do wish to express my anger and frustration at this moment, just to get it out of my system. Consider yourself warned.
So... basically... here's the thing: I am fucking sick of (mostly) old (mostly) white (mostly) males running the world! FUCKING SICK OF IT.ARG
So, as you can probably tell, the green building code symposium went well.
I mean, I guess I am getting used to being the youngest person at those things, and being surrounded by grey-haired people in fat-suits...er, fat people in grey suits...er suits with phat grey hair (...not judging, just noticing) [Am I gonna lose potential jobs over this?]. And I am getting used to hearing them talk about merely reducing our utter destructiveness in a business-polite fashion in their business-casual vernacular/clothing blabitty blah blah bull. Needless to say I bit my tongue a bunch but couldn't stifle a few loud exhale sounds that probably made some bushy, grey caterpillar-eyebrows cock their butts in the air (or their heads, but its really hard to tell anyway). But hear-you-me, I would have spoken my mind if I wasn't volunteering or representing the Guild by association.
Like, "um, excuse me... you don't want to put a better code into law because then people who are always pushing the boundaries would somehow suddenly find it acceptable or beneficial to shoot for the lowest standard? and even if they did, the lowest standard would call for much more efficiency across the board which would be better in the long term anyway because we wouldn't have wasted all the resources making more shitty buildings. i mean, its not like we've been waiting for years for everyone to jump on the already super green-washed (with '100% natural' soap) bandwagon of 'sustainability.' and you are saying we shouldn't create laws that mandate 'green' building because then it won't be cool anymore? might that perspective be because the success of your company/paycheck depends on your 'green-building' offerings being on the cutting edge, which wouldn't be the case if better building practices became the mandated standard?"
Once again, it was a dog-fight between the private and public sector...
So why not both? Why not market-based incentives AND regulatory solutions? WHY WHY WHY? I think I understand. It's all about money. But it sounds like this:
"Because I am a man, and don't understand the meaning of compromise" "NO! I am a man and I have all the answers, but they are better than yours" "I am man! HEAR ME ROAR! in my suit. and tie. and... beer belly..." "oh! and I am a woman and I have an opinion too! but it's still based off this bullshit reality of market economies and what is or isn't feasible in our ridiculous government system. but i know how this part of the world works because i have been working in this unfortunate field since the dawn of the dinosaurs. RAR!"
Okay, okay. I'm not being very fair at all. They genuinely care (probably). They donated their time to spend at this thing, and have dedicated their lives to trying to contribute to a more beautiful (?) world, and they are doing it in the ways they know how.
But it doesn't help if you get in the way of people who are doing the things that make the difference. And if you live in a bubble of relative security, ignorant or ignoring-ant of the actual real-life physical/emotional/metaphysical/hubalal impacts of the things you are talking about.
I know. I know. It's too complex (aka time intensive, aka expensive) to consider everything. We are all just doing our best. Hopefully for the common good, but it's
hard to tell sometimes, especially when one of the presenters was like
"yup, i was in the regular old building design business and i moved to green building when it became
profitable."
in the meantime, all these old people in my life are
telling me "that's just how people are, we need to take advantage of it by creating incentives and propaganda etc." so shoot. i guess i better just
call that acceptable. (*retch*) but its effective! i know it. (*retch*)
would you believe me if I said I DONT I DONT KNOW WHO TO BELIEVE? or what to do? or... who I am...
and on that note:
"What if I should discover that the poorest of the beggars and the most
impudent of offenders are all within me; and that I stand in need of the
alms of my own kindness, that I, myself, am the enemy who must be loved
-- what then?” -CG Jung
Showing posts with label politics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label politics. Show all posts
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i know its late.
I've been up since before 7 this morning
for no apparent reason
except perhaps the energy of the world today
re-shaken in mourning.
so watching
reading
thinking
writing
singing
coloring
and
talking about this all day
has my mind pretty worn
but there were a couple things i was reminded of that i wanted to post.
i know... im sorta in private mode with my own writing right now and have pretty much just been reposting links or other people's stuff. it will pass. i think i am starting a new site soon anyway, if i stop being so lazy and indecisive about it.
-----------------------------------------------------
ok, so the first thing is this poem that I initially read in a library in Eugene (in like March?) when I first picked up Pinchbeck's compilation Toward 2012: Perspectives on the Next Age. Its called "If You See Something, Say Something" ...a stab at the signs that have appeared on airports and buses since 9/11/01. Here it is, from Michael Brownstein, 2006:
"We need your help as an extra set of eyes and ears.
Unattended bags? Suspicious behavior?
Take notice of people in bulky or inappropriate clothing.
Report anyone tampering with video cameras or entering unauthorized areas.
If you see something, say something.
I see something.
I see a criminally insane person roaming the halls of the White House.
He believes he's the president of the United States.
And I see a rotund bastard with a heart problem hovering in the background, pulling the strings.
His crooked smile lights the way to perdition.
In the early morning chill I see the streets of New York filled with people on their way to work.
We think we're home free because John Ashcroft retired.
No more red alerts, no more terrorists disguised as tourists worming their way into town.
No more dirty bombs left in suitcases in Grand Central.
Little do we know. Little dare we surmise.
As the rotund bastard with the heart problem said the other day, "You know, it's not an accident that we haven't been hit in four years."
What's that supposed to mean? That sooner or later he'll feel threatened enough to push the hot button again?
And when he does will he be in his secret, climate-controlled tunnel half-way between D.C. and Wyoming?
Far from the narrow, dark canyons of Manhattan?
If you see something, say something.
I see something.
I see the forgotten anthrax killers whose bioweapons source was not al-Qaeda but our own American arsenals.
I see no global war declared on Fort Detrick or the Dugway Proving Grounds, no troops deployed, no actions taken.
Our attention always focused somewhere out there (Iraq, North Korea, Iran), never in here.
If you see something, say something.
I see a billion dollars a week spent on this war rather than the two billion a year needed to lock down leaking Russian nuclear facilities.
I see the US military buying anthrax in violation of treaties limiting the spread of bioweapons.
I see nanotech embraced for mirage medical cures while its use for surveillance and control is ignored.
I see all of us innoculated into a state of permanent low-level paranoia.
If you see something, say something.
I see something.
I see our Supreme Leader in the Oval Office fondling "the football," the top-secret suitcase with instructions to blow up the planet.
Sixteen years after the Berlin wall fell I see thousands of hydrogen bombs still on hair-trigger alert in Russia and the USA.
I see forty of those bombs aimed at New York City.
If you see something, say something.
I see our protective coating of ironic distance sheilding us from the truth.
Over the phone I hear "Have a nice day," and "Please speak to the system."
And in the stores, behind the Christmas carols, I hear the whine of black helicopters making the world safe for democracy.
"Freedom!" I bark, and a miniature poodle on a leash barks back at me.
I see something.
I see the US holding the world for ransom.
Again and again the same words keep surfacing: "the national interest, the national interest, the national interest."
Reptilian brains having a toxic reaction to testosterone.
Plunging us all into the icy waters of selfish calculation.
If you see something, say something.
I see this trashed-out culture of ours approaching the wall.
Plant and animal species disappearing at warp speed.
Soil turned to dust, aquifers drained dry.
And I see it's too painful to go there.
It's too painful to go there, I'm headed outside for a smoke.
It's too painful to go there, I'm busy learning Italian.
It's too painful to go there, my therapist told me to stay positive.
She said that whatever I experience is up to me, that I create my own world.
My guru said the same thing.
But it's funny, no matter what they say I keep seeing this weirdness out of the corner of my eye.
I see undercover agents on every transport platform, watching over my fellow Americans strapped into bucket seats.
I see my fellow Americans weighed down by schedules and cellphones and computers and wristwatches.
I see their children swallowing pharmaceuticals to get through the day.
While in nearby fields the birds and animals look on with infinite patience, waiting outside of clock time for us to burn out and disappear.
(The yellow-throated warbler singing, "Is that the best you can do?
Best you can do?"
"Is that the best you can do?")
I see something.
I see arbitrary national borders separating us from our humanity.
I hear the siren song of nationalism driving us onto the rocks.
9/11 and the war in Iraq no more than red herrings distracting us from this fact.
Cause Iraqis are people just like us. How can their deaths be worth less than ours?
I see it's time for us to take a look in the mirror.
Notice the frightened children in there, wondering how they got into this mess.
Realize there's no one in the whole wide world to blame.
Decide to risk everything and open our hearts.
That's the one thing against which the rotund bastard has no defense.
If you see something, say something.
I see that even though my therapist charges a hundred and seventy-five an hour and my guru has a lifetime free pass, maybe they're right.
I'm responsible for what's happening to me.
My beliefs create my experience.
Otherwise why am I swallowed up in rituals of mutual self-destruction while outside a sweet wind blows through the trees?
Cause I see two wolves fighting in my heart, one vengeful and the other compassionate.
Which one will I feed today?
Will I behave as if the god in all of life matters?
Or will I come after you, blaming and accusing?
Which one will I feed today?"
Unattended bags? Suspicious behavior?
Take notice of people in bulky or inappropriate clothing.
Report anyone tampering with video cameras or entering unauthorized areas.
If you see something, say something.
I see something.
I see a criminally insane person roaming the halls of the White House.
He believes he's the president of the United States.
And I see a rotund bastard with a heart problem hovering in the background, pulling the strings.
His crooked smile lights the way to perdition.
In the early morning chill I see the streets of New York filled with people on their way to work.
We think we're home free because John Ashcroft retired.
No more red alerts, no more terrorists disguised as tourists worming their way into town.
No more dirty bombs left in suitcases in Grand Central.
Little do we know. Little dare we surmise.
As the rotund bastard with the heart problem said the other day, "You know, it's not an accident that we haven't been hit in four years."
What's that supposed to mean? That sooner or later he'll feel threatened enough to push the hot button again?
And when he does will he be in his secret, climate-controlled tunnel half-way between D.C. and Wyoming?
Far from the narrow, dark canyons of Manhattan?
If you see something, say something.
I see something.
I see the forgotten anthrax killers whose bioweapons source was not al-Qaeda but our own American arsenals.
I see no global war declared on Fort Detrick or the Dugway Proving Grounds, no troops deployed, no actions taken.
Our attention always focused somewhere out there (Iraq, North Korea, Iran), never in here.
If you see something, say something.
I see a billion dollars a week spent on this war rather than the two billion a year needed to lock down leaking Russian nuclear facilities.
I see the US military buying anthrax in violation of treaties limiting the spread of bioweapons.
I see nanotech embraced for mirage medical cures while its use for surveillance and control is ignored.
I see all of us innoculated into a state of permanent low-level paranoia.
If you see something, say something.
I see something.
I see our Supreme Leader in the Oval Office fondling "the football," the top-secret suitcase with instructions to blow up the planet.
Sixteen years after the Berlin wall fell I see thousands of hydrogen bombs still on hair-trigger alert in Russia and the USA.
I see forty of those bombs aimed at New York City.
If you see something, say something.
I see our protective coating of ironic distance sheilding us from the truth.
Over the phone I hear "Have a nice day," and "Please speak to the system."
And in the stores, behind the Christmas carols, I hear the whine of black helicopters making the world safe for democracy.
"Freedom!" I bark, and a miniature poodle on a leash barks back at me.
I see something.
I see the US holding the world for ransom.
Again and again the same words keep surfacing: "the national interest, the national interest, the national interest."
Reptilian brains having a toxic reaction to testosterone.
Plunging us all into the icy waters of selfish calculation.
If you see something, say something.
I see this trashed-out culture of ours approaching the wall.
Plant and animal species disappearing at warp speed.
Soil turned to dust, aquifers drained dry.
And I see it's too painful to go there.
It's too painful to go there, I'm headed outside for a smoke.
It's too painful to go there, I'm busy learning Italian.
It's too painful to go there, my therapist told me to stay positive.
She said that whatever I experience is up to me, that I create my own world.
My guru said the same thing.
But it's funny, no matter what they say I keep seeing this weirdness out of the corner of my eye.
I see undercover agents on every transport platform, watching over my fellow Americans strapped into bucket seats.
I see my fellow Americans weighed down by schedules and cellphones and computers and wristwatches.
I see their children swallowing pharmaceuticals to get through the day.
While in nearby fields the birds and animals look on with infinite patience, waiting outside of clock time for us to burn out and disappear.
(The yellow-throated warbler singing, "Is that the best you can do?
Best you can do?"
"Is that the best you can do?")
I see something.
I see arbitrary national borders separating us from our humanity.
I hear the siren song of nationalism driving us onto the rocks.
9/11 and the war in Iraq no more than red herrings distracting us from this fact.
Cause Iraqis are people just like us. How can their deaths be worth less than ours?
I see it's time for us to take a look in the mirror.
Notice the frightened children in there, wondering how they got into this mess.
Realize there's no one in the whole wide world to blame.
Decide to risk everything and open our hearts.
That's the one thing against which the rotund bastard has no defense.
If you see something, say something.
I see that even though my therapist charges a hundred and seventy-five an hour and my guru has a lifetime free pass, maybe they're right.
I'm responsible for what's happening to me.
My beliefs create my experience.
Otherwise why am I swallowed up in rituals of mutual self-destruction while outside a sweet wind blows through the trees?
Cause I see two wolves fighting in my heart, one vengeful and the other compassionate.
Which one will I feed today?
Will I behave as if the god in all of life matters?
Or will I come after you, blaming and accusing?
Which one will I feed today?"
fuck yea, right?
well, I think its clever, and thoughtful.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
alrighty... next:
(if you're a bit winded, you might take a break... the next one is hellza long)
My dear Uncle David certainly has a knack for thinking and words and putting those two things together. oh, and putting his words to the brilliant photographs he takes whilst simultaneously giving a lecture and changing the way the whole world thinks about building codes... but i'll save that for later. tonight, as i was getting concerned whether or not i would be able to sleep with so much on my mind, he posted something that determined solidly that no, i won't be sleeping for a while. hence me being up at 1 again, after six hours of restless sleep last night and a big day today (I went upstairs! I left the house for like an hour! AND I engaged with a whole family of new people who Becca brought to dinner. seriously... just that and it was like 100x more commotion than i've been having the past few days. besides getting sick a bunch. ick). actually though, all kidding aside, it was a big day... emotionally mostly, and i really appreciated the commentary David reposted, which he had written shortly after this day in 2001. If nothing else, read the poem at the end.
"Dear friends
First I want to say that it is rare that I am moved to send out messages to so many of my friends at once. I hope this does not offend any of you, but it is sent with heartfelt sympathy and sorrow for everyone affected by the tragedy of September 11th and its aftermath. I wrote the piece below over the past few days and decided, because of the response that I got from the people that I sent it to initially, to share it more widely. And I also wanted to preface it with some thoughts about the current situation.
These are hard times for anyone who has a larger context than what one could get from the mainstream media or official reports through which to contemplate the events of the past four weeks. Everyone I know is struggling to deal with the aftermath. Many of us are especially challenged to deal with our distrust for the current administration, their motives, underlying agenda, and the very paradigm from which they operate. Like so many others I also have felt the full range of emotions from pride and admiration for the courage, kindness, and generosity of so many people in this country (the basis for a very different kind of feeling for what is great about this country than the uncritical flag-waving, sabre-rattling variety that seems to dominate right now), to dismay, horror, and outrage at the way many of the leaders of our country have responded to the unfolding of events.
The past week or so I find myself coping with more and more sorrow and anger. Much of it relates to the outrage directed at people who are seeking and speaking the truth about our real history and the degree to which the situation in which we find ourselves today is related to long-standing policies of our own government, which often have often been lawless, violent, and anti-democratic. It would appear that the worst aspects of this country emerge along with the best at times of crisis, and so today anyone who does not stand 100% with our leaders can be called a traitor or at the very least unpatriotic and not deserving of a public voice. Nonetheless, the truth remains that the U.S. has had a huge hand in creating the world that we now must all live in - that is undeniably true. And this level of fear and vulnerability is only new to people on these shores, not to most of the world. And those who benefit from the restraint of civic discourse, freedom of information, and the militarization of the nation are scrambling to consolidiate and institutionalize their gains under the cloak of bipartisanship and the need for us to forever be a nation living in fear.
It is as though no one can speak these truths without being accused of excusing or justifying or rationalizing the horrendous crimes against humanity that were carried out on the 11th. This is an enormous and critical distortion of the truth. There are no excuses. None. Not for the acts of those who perpetrated these most recent crimes, nor for the terrorism that the U.S. and the ruthless regimes that we have supported around the world have inflicted upon the millions of innocent citizens of those other countries. And this also does not deny or excuse the atrocities carried out by some of our enemies over the years. Atrocities are atrocities regardless of the goodness of the cause for which they are committed or the self-righteousness of the people who commit them.
I find it astonishing that the same people who are now accusing those who point out the truth about U.S. foreign policy today, can't see the duplicity of their arguments as they rationalize and justify and excuse U.S.-sponsored terrorism elsewhere in the world. People who commit crimes against humanity must be brought to justice. If we are in fact a nation of laws, not of men, as we claim, we would seek no other outcome. One need only look at our new Ambassador to the UN to understand the mindset and lack of integrity of our current administration in the area of human rights abuses or acts of state sponsored terror. What is needed if we are to ever overcome the cycles of violence we seem so committed to perpetuating are strong and truly international institutions of law and justice to which every nation, no matter how weak or powerful are accountable. Acting unilaterally by declaring war against a small group of fanatics rather than dealing with this as a crime against humanity and all nations, requiring a truly international response only fertilizes the ground for the growth of future terrorism.
What I wrote, below, is just a personal outpouring of what I have been feeling and thinking over these past few weeks. And of my conviction that it is only through embracing the pain and sorrow and anger and disappointment and reality - including our own complicity in these things - that we can begin to find a way out. And also from my belief that it is gratitude, compassion, and love, not fear, greed, anger or hatred that can lead us from a place of such awesome despair and danger.
I send this with hopes for a growing movement that values all life and moves to undermine the paradigms and politics of consolidated power, wealth, and control over those of shared power, wealth, and restraint and the understanding that freedoms and rights are accompanied by responsibilities and obligations that transcend private, personal interests. We need to strongly stand up for our civil liberties, including our right to know what our government is doing in our name and with our taxes and in its international agreements. We need to make continually clear to our elected representatives that we will hold them accountable for what they do, whether committing further atrocities in other lands, giving away our rights of economic and political sovereignty to global trade and investment cartels, or taking away our rights such as freedom of speech, or assembly, or the right to dissent and protest without being labeled a terrorist (check out this FBI website to see if you might actually be a terrorist yourself by the FBI's definition: http://www.fbi.gov/congress/congress01/freeh051001.htm>http://www.fbi.gov/congress/congress01/freeh051001.htm).
A key issue that we must address, if we are not to see a spiraling increase in such violence and social chaos around the world and at home, is corporate globalization and market fundamentalism. If you don't understand what is at stake, please read False Dawn by John Gray, and start doing some research into NAFTA, WTO, FTAA, MAI and what they represent in terms of the destruction of social fabric, local economies, and political freedoms, all to be sacrificed to the idea that corporate profits and the pursuit of the highest return on investment is always the highest good. Our leaders have placed our communities, our local, regional and national economies, and all of our laws for public health, safety and welfare in absolute jeopardy out of the insane rejection of the idea of the commons - of a public good superceding private good. The people behind the "wise use" movement - who proposed that every law or regulation that restricts the rights of individuals to maximize their profits - whether potential, imagined, or real - is a governmental "taking" and therefore creates a requirement for compensation for any conceivable loss of opportunity or potential profit - these are the people who are negotiating our global trade and investment agreements. This principle was written into NAFTA and it is embedded in the paradigm of WTO and all the international agreements on free trade and investment. The lawsuits are already being filed and won in NAFTA's private tribunals. This will ultimately result in the shredding of the fabric of civil society and result in tremendous chaos here and abroad. If we think our past policies have created opportunities for terrorists to vilify the US, just wait…. We don't appear to have real leaders. Few of our politicians have clue what they have created. Those that do and still support free trade over fair trade, and property rights over life, should not be given power over anything.
We have our own fundamentalists here, but what they believe in is the market and multinational corporate power. There is much work to be done and the first step is being awake. But most important is that we understand that we are not alone and we are not powerless. Our voices need to be heard and those of us that know and understand what is being done have an obligation to become the leaders that we apparently don't have today.
I am sending this to you because I count you among my friends and deeply value that friendship and the values that we share. It is sent with my blessings and with a loving and open heart.
After Math
I'm almost embarrassed to share
This experience
Too full of emotion
Anger, hope, fear and sorrow
I felt the need to write
And somehow started thinking
About the word "Aftermath"
About the after math
The calculus after disaster
The area under the curve
Under the arc of consequences
Not at all those that we had in mind
But I felt the need to know the numbers
To be able to start to write
So I spent an hour, perhaps more
In internet info searching mode
How many dead now, which ones where?
How many missing?
By who's count?
From what countries of origin?
From what companies?
How many were firemen?
Policemen or Port Authority?
What about at the Pentagon?
Or on the plane in Pennsylvania?
And then I noticed all at once
That I had totally succumbed
To the effects of the numbers
I found I was stunningly numbed
And I thought - Did anyone get it?
When they invented this word?
Numb-er?
That that is what they so often are?
Doesn't anyone notice how effective are these symbols
At dulling the pain?
Dulling the senses?
Dulling the sense?
In my numbness I tried to write
But words and figures were just more symbols on the screen
What do these things mean?
5000, 6000, 7000 dead here, 500,000 starved children in Iraq
How many in Afganistan?
Or was that the number in Nicaragua? Why am I still feeling no pain?
And what about the first $40 billion of disaster recovery money?
To begin our journey back to September 10th
Will that not bring a lot of relief?
It's a little more than $6.50 for every human on earth
I know, it's just for us, spelled U. S.
The special four percent of the humans.
I know, actually it's only for a small percentage
Of that special four percent
But are these the only people who need relief?
But who's counting anyway?
And just what are we going to count?
Who counts?
What counts?
When did we last think
That measuring the right thing roughly is far better
Than measuring the wrong thing with great accuracy?
How do we begin when we don't have a clue
About the worth of any person?
One here is worth many there.
Because lives are obviously so much bigger
The closer they are to the observer
How can we solve for so many unknowns
When we officially don't care about
The value of each strand in the web of life?
The identity of all of our relations?
The consequences of our actions?
When we would rather ignore or suppress
The depth of our pain
The power of our love
The heat of our passion
The taste of our grief
The intensity of our despair
The value of the lives of the victims of our vengeance
The number of things left unsaid, undone
The weight of memories that are all that remain
The length of our mourning
This is not a test
This is a real emergency
Had this been a test
You would have been instructed
To return to the status quo without thinking
But this is a real emergency
And what is emerging is a calling
We are now called to show up
We are now called to do our home-work
We are now called to learn our real history
We are now called to understand
We are now called to demand to know
What our leaders do in our name
We are now called to become leaders
We are now called to wake each other up
We are now called to see ourselves
As the whole world sees us
The whole world
Not just the human beings present today
Not just human ancestors and future human beings
But all beings of every species
With whom we share this world
And we must also see
That it is in this awareness
And in our willingness to experience all these things
That we will find the only authentic power that exists
Power that is for life
We must remember
To call each other and ourselves to truth
To call each other and ourselves to compassion
To call each other and ourselves to loving kindness
And to call each other and ourselves
To keep our eyes open
To keep our hearts open
To keep our minds open
And to remember each other
And to remember as we deal with the aftermath
That gratitude is the first step
In every solution"
-David Eisenberg
something I wrote stood out.
like thoughts stand out.
and people.
someone I want to be.
or want to be like.
or want to be liked.
or want them to be alike.
they are.
quite.
quite different. the two paths.
the two halves.
of the moon.
make a full moon.
no moon.
new moon.
its too soon.
you're too far.
to get to.
ahh, the sky was so blue.
tonight. at twilight.
you might.
laugh.
but I'm not kidding.
i stepped out of the building that held my day
and looked across the lights.
the trees.
the distance.
it was dark.
ish.
it was bright.
bright blue.
bluer than I'd seen.
unless.
I had never noticed.
what a sight not to see.
the blue beyond the trees.
the you beyond the me.
hmph.
who is she? ["am I in love with just a theme?"]
in the picture?
in the mirror?
in the window.
out of mind.
out of my mind.
out of this time.
out of time.
["Somewhere across the sea of time, a love immortal just like mine will come to me eternally. Immortal she, return to me."]
like thoughts stand out.
and people.
someone I want to be.
or want to be like.
or want to be liked.
or want them to be alike.
they are.
quite.
quite different. the two paths.
the two halves.
of the moon.
make a full moon.
no moon.
new moon.
its too soon.
you're too far.
to get to.
ahh, the sky was so blue.
tonight. at twilight.
you might.
laugh.
but I'm not kidding.
i stepped out of the building that held my day
and looked across the lights.
the trees.
the distance.
it was dark.
ish.
it was bright.
bright blue.
bluer than I'd seen.
unless.
I had never noticed.
what a sight not to see.
the blue beyond the trees.
the you beyond the me.
hmph.
who is she? ["am I in love with just a theme?"]
in the picture?
in the mirror?
in the window.
out of mind.
out of my mind.
out of this time.
out of time.
["Somewhere across the sea of time, a love immortal just like mine will come to me eternally. Immortal she, return to me."]
"2 am and I'm still awake writing a song. If I get it all down on paper its no longer inside of me threatening the life it belongs to. And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd cause these words are my diary screaming out loud, and I know that you'll use them however you want to."
...or not
...an excess of thought
...not enough time in a day
...too much to say
...overheat
...left on repeat
ask me
throw me into the sky to find out why I am
this is dis[torted]
diction
[ad]diction
[contra]diction
fiction.
like dreams
[insight into life beyond the stars we see]
but not for me.
reality.
is hard.
soft
strange
slight change.
I'm
insane.
insom[niac].
[oh Sleep, pull me down with force, so I can see a new day and smile once again.]
...or not
...an excess of thought
...not enough time in a day
...too much to say
...overheat
...left on repeat
ask me
throw me into the sky to find out why I am
this is dis[torted]
diction
[ad]diction
[contra]diction
fiction.
like dreams
[insight into life beyond the stars we see]
but not for me.
reality.
is hard.
soft
strange
slight change.
I'm
insane.
insom[niac].
[oh Sleep, pull me down with force, so I can see a new day and smile once again.]
