i love my room.
i love having four walls around me.
it's the solitude it brings.

i hate being stuck inside all day...
"stuck"
i love watching people pass by
i hate watching time pass by
i hate seeing you walk by
-you should stop, and talk-

i hate being alone at night
(but its solitude...)

yea, but nothing I think ever seems to make sense,
and contradictions are really the only truth I've ever found anyway.

i love the sun.
i love the rain.
they hold me tighter than most people dare
-most people let go too soon anyway-
but i can't hold the sun,
or the rain.

i can run.
i love running.
when i'm running, i want to run forever.
i always think "why wouldn't people do this all day, every day?"

i think i run instead of punching people, and walls.
i punch the ground with my feet.
(that's really mean!)
I didn't mean it.
I love the ground.
The ground holds me.
Fuck.
I can't hold the ground.

What do I have to give if I can't return the favors of the earth and the sun and the rain?
I guess they delight in the joy they bring me.
Maybe that's enough.

What is that quote? It was on Heidi's myspace, but I don't think she has one anymore. Maybe her facebook?

ahh yes:
"And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play in your hair." - Kahlil Gibran

Its funny. I think about Heidi almost daily, but I rarely talk to her.
Do I always neglect the things I love the most?
fuck.
at least 5 examples immediately pop into my head. (Caitlin, swimming, climbing, Josh, my dogs...i could go on for sure).
why do i do that?
does everyone?
that is interesting to ponder.
i think i was more neglectful last year, though. i'd say im doing better.
i spend more time with Nygil, and i think i pushed him away a bit last year, even though he was such a rock for me.
i totally blew off running most of the year, last year too.
i love the beach, but for some reason i usually refuse to go if someone asks me.

my eyes are tired now.
im fading.
i need to write in my tutor journal.
fuck it.
i need to sleep,
i will write it tomorrow.

Goodnight.
I'm really actually serious this time.
For real.
I won't come back til like tomorrow evening.
Don't beg. Please.
Im out. Okay?
See you tomorrow.
I love you too, blog.

(1:00am)