I just feel so broken...flawed. Everything I say or think is wrong in a way I can't describe.
I can't think, or speak.
I hate that I'm so alone here, because I really just need a good, long, sincere hug. I don't know if I can stay here Thursday... I just want to be home right now.
I went rock climbing today. Zach invited me. It was probably the best thing I have done here all year. It made me feel strong and empowered (at a time where I feel so weak in character). (That is such a weird things to say about myself, especially here, but I don't know how else to describe it... I feel weak. )
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...of the new quarter.
Had a two hour session with the Cultivating Voice course. I felt really comfortable with the people, and the teacher, Sandy brought us cookies and let us have a "cocktail party" to get to know each other. I met some awesome people and almost wish that this was going to be my program rather than just a two credit course. However, for two credits I think it is going to be a lot of work, and while I'm sure it is going to be worth it, I will admit that I am feeling a bit of anxiety about these 18 credits. Tomorrow my program starts: the Pacific Northwest. I guess I am interested in the class and excited about the field trips, but I just don't want it to be a less-intense repeat of what I just learned in Legacy. Also, I looked at the books in the book store and one of them is Sarah Canary, which I just read for Legacy. That is somewhat relieving because it means one less seminar book. The rest of the books are intriguing and I kinda wanna go pick them up and start looking at them more closely. I need to decide which of my books from Legacy I want to keep, and which I want to sell back.
...That is kinda sad. I saw some people from Legacy today, and I miss it already (the environment and the people, not the work necessarily), but I am glad to be meeting even more new people tomorrow, and hope I make connections with them as I did with people in the last two quarters.
Hmm, I am tired. Really tired. I wanna go eat and then find a good movie and watch it with someone. Maybe Aja isn't busy, or maybe Ariana will want to, or maybe the roommates are doing something tonight for Jordan's birthday. We'll see.
Oh, and I got an email from Grandma today, and part of it said:
"We are looking forward to seeing ALL the "E's" when we come for Becca's graduation. Hardly seems possible that a year has already gone by since yours!!! Every day is sooo important! Treasure it!"
^_^
Anyway, I'm gonna go eat now, then relax, or run, or something to enjoy the evening. Tomorrow, things are about to get crazy, so hopefully I can find a way to keep sane this quarter, and enjoy every day rather than just trying to get through.
Had a two hour session with the Cultivating Voice course. I felt really comfortable with the people, and the teacher, Sandy brought us cookies and let us have a "cocktail party" to get to know each other. I met some awesome people and almost wish that this was going to be my program rather than just a two credit course. However, for two credits I think it is going to be a lot of work, and while I'm sure it is going to be worth it, I will admit that I am feeling a bit of anxiety about these 18 credits. Tomorrow my program starts: the Pacific Northwest. I guess I am interested in the class and excited about the field trips, but I just don't want it to be a less-intense repeat of what I just learned in Legacy. Also, I looked at the books in the book store and one of them is Sarah Canary, which I just read for Legacy. That is somewhat relieving because it means one less seminar book. The rest of the books are intriguing and I kinda wanna go pick them up and start looking at them more closely. I need to decide which of my books from Legacy I want to keep, and which I want to sell back.
...That is kinda sad. I saw some people from Legacy today, and I miss it already (the environment and the people, not the work necessarily), but I am glad to be meeting even more new people tomorrow, and hope I make connections with them as I did with people in the last two quarters.
Hmm, I am tired. Really tired. I wanna go eat and then find a good movie and watch it with someone. Maybe Aja isn't busy, or maybe Ariana will want to, or maybe the roommates are doing something tonight for Jordan's birthday. We'll see.
Oh, and I got an email from Grandma today, and part of it said:
"We are looking forward to seeing ALL the "E's" when we come for Becca's graduation. Hardly seems possible that a year has already gone by since yours!!! Every day is sooo important! Treasure it!"
^_^
Anyway, I'm gonna go eat now, then relax, or run, or something to enjoy the evening. Tomorrow, things are about to get crazy, so hopefully I can find a way to keep sane this quarter, and enjoy every day rather than just trying to get through.
Each day I want to find some happiness or truth. I want to feel alive, to be alive.
Today and
each day
appreciate life
by embracing every emotion,
being present in what I am doing to gain the most from it,
finding a balance between over- and under-indulgence,
opening my mind to new things,
remembering my humanity, and mortality,
accepting my faults,
growing in myself,
creating,
doing something nice for others,
doing something nice for myself,
laughing,
embracing who I am,
feeling what I feel,
being outdoors,
enjoying my time,
loving.
Today and
each day
appreciate life
by embracing every emotion,
being present in what I am doing to gain the most from it,
finding a balance between over- and under-indulgence,
opening my mind to new things,
remembering my humanity, and mortality,
accepting my faults,
growing in myself,
creating,
doing something nice for others,
doing something nice for myself,
laughing,
embracing who I am,
feeling what I feel,
being outdoors,
enjoying my time,
loving.
