Nygil mentioned a Death Cab show. I looked it up to see if they were coming up here. Apparently not but I found out that they are coming out with a new album. May 31st. It's been years. I wonder if I'll still like my "favorite band of all time."

Also, I'm supposed to check out the book Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K Leguin, and a Slipknot album... but I can't remember the title.

skype: nygilyo

"I see you drivin
Round town with the girl I love
And I'm like, haiku"

someone posted this on facebook. super funny if you know the song.

talked to Aubrie today and i feel better about the project. we are going to make some adjustments to our process when we get back from break.

i read a lot of Water for Elephants today because I just can't put it down. but I passed out at some point. i just woke up again and am feeling like i've been beat up like some of the characters from the book. its been a while since i've been so damn sore all over. but i like it... means i climbed hard enough.

also had an eye appointment this morning. man, if i don't hate anything more than medical exams (or really anyplace where people can nitpick at all the things that are wrong with my lifestyle.) whatever, ordered new glasses and more contacts.

tomorrow will be even better :)

this alley project has become so convoluted and frustrating. and i feel like every time i try to contribute to the group effort i only end up inflating the challenge. i made a legitimate effort to help today and it backfired completely. i'm trying not to have a bad attitude, but i'm not good at drawing, or public speaking, or corresponding with clients and stakeholders, and i've missed more meetings than anyone, so i just don't know what i am actually bringing to the table.

"I was raised up believin
I was somehow unique
Like a snowflake distinct among snowflakes
Unique in each way you can see
And now after some thinking
I'd say I'd rather be
A functioning cog in some great machinery
Serving something beyond me
But I don't, I don't know what that will be
I'll get back to you someday soon you will see

What's my name, what's my station
Oh just tell me what I should do
I don't need to be kind to the armies of night
That would do such injustice to you
Or bow down and be grateful
And say "Sure take all that you see"
To the men who move only in dimly-lit halls
And determine my future for me
And I don't, I don't know who to believe
I'll get back to you someday soon you will see

If I know only one thing
It's that every thing that I see
Of the world outside is so inconceivable
Often I barely can speak
Yeah I'm tongue tied and dizzy
And I can't keep it to myself
What good is it to sing helplessness blues?
Why should I wait for anyone else?
And I know, I know you will keep me on the shelf
I'll come back to you someday soon myself

If I had an orchard
I'd work till I'm raw
If I had an orchard
I'd work till I'm sore
And you would wait tables
And soon run the store

Gold hair in the sunlight
My light in the dawn
If I had an orchard
I'd work till I'm sore

Someday I'll be
Like the man on the screen"

shifts

i'm done with this blog. maybe blogging at all. dunno. not feelin it lately

My solo self-eval workshop yesterday was boss. 7 people was a good size for me and they were all first-time eval-writers so I pretty much couldn't go wrong.

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I wish I had the guts to try out for Romeo and Juliet. If it was Hamlet, you know I'd be all over that audition.

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"Stars, hide your fires; these here are my desires and I won't give up them up to you this time around. And so, I'll be found with a stake stuck in the ground, marking the territory of this newly impassioned soul." (Mumford&Sons, duh).

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Carolyn thinks I should document what I ate today:
a bagel
a fruit leather
a piece of pizza
a bowl of cereal
half a granola bar
a couple bites of sorbet
a couple bites of lentil soup

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apparently my crash pad came in the mail at home!

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I may actually be part-time photographer and part-time climbing assistant this summer, according to Josh. STOKE

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WHY CAN'T I FOCUS?!

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Carolyn is going to bring me to foooooooood.

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Where's my wallet?!?
Found a clifbar while looking though.

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found my wallet.



I clearly need to do some substantial writing or else I wouldn't have gotten on my blog so often throughout the day and ended up with nothing legitimate to show for it.

I guess this is what happens when I have actual writing to do.
Inkwell
Eval
Worklog
Architect's Blog
Tutoring reflection

(at least I compiled my portfolio for the most part)

Tonight I am going to have to make a decision about NYSC. I called Madelyn for advice about it. She reminded me that last year I had expressed to her my frustration of always feeling distanced from the delegates because I my lens was always between us; because I was often supposed to act invisible in order to get candid shots. She encouraged me to be confident in my ability to be climbing assistant. While I am tempted to stay with what I know I can excel in, she may have convinced me to take the chance. How could I go wrong being involved with climbing all summer anyway?

It's Tony's birthday today. He's been in more contact with me lately. I enjoy knowing that he still values a friendship between us.

Apparently there is something going on at home right now. Mom's going to call me soon. I will feel better when I know nothing bad happened...

Dear Alex,

You are crazy if you think you can spontaneously sign up for a design-build course costing a couple thousand dollars and spanning the entirety of spring break, to construct a tree house in MEXICO.

Love,
Reality



Am I though? It sounds so perfect...
http://rawdesignbuild.com/workshops/oaxaca_2011/

tonight and tomorrow night is all the time I have left to finished the SketchUp assignment of designing and "building" a climate-sensitive house.
eww
I don't want to think about that anymore, and I reaaaaaaaally hate drawing in SketchUp... under a deadline, at least.

Josh called me twice yesterday about camp positions. He gave away that they were considering me for climbing assistant!! and photographer. I called him this morning to see what further info he needed and he asked if I had lead-climbing experience. I said no, none. And not much top-roping either. So I pretty much thought that was a bust. But I got an email this afternoon saying that I was being offered either position! Shouldn't be a hard choice, right? I'd love to eat, sleep, and breathe climbing for a month and a half but I'd have to be in West Virginia June 16th, two weeks earlier than otherwise, AND wouldn't get to go to fly-in. Oh, and can you say "belay-bitch"? Even still... CLIMBING ASSISTANT!!??!? No computer obligations. No sitting in the office on sunny days. And even if I don't climb every day I will still get to work with people who are climbing. And I will be out of camp a lot, and I could still take some pictures, and I wouldn't have to do the Dow Tour. Of I could do what I know how to do, what I feel comfortable with, what I did well enough last time that they want me to do again; take pictures 24-7, be called a creeper by all the delegates cause I have to document them doing EVERYTHING.
Oh pros and cons....
I know where my heart is on this, I am just afraid of it. My decision needs to be made a week from yesterday.

ok, enough fantasizing. back to making a model of something that will never actually exist.

"love will not betray, dismay, or enslave you; it will set you free, to be more like the man you were made to be. there is a design, an alignment, a cry of my heart to see the beauty of love as it was made to be."