its just a stupid phone...

except losing it, on top of everything else that has happened, this sucks really bad.

BUT


I just thought i would announce to the world that I pooped for the first time in 5 days a couple hours ago! FUCK YES

never been so stoked on poop!

so

im doing a lot better. today Ben got moved into my Spanish class which is awesome. and instead of doing conversation for the first two hours we got to go to the cemetary. I was so overwhelmed with emotion there. good emotion. i think i could spend a whole day there, and i am planning on it sometime. the one in Urubamba was beautiful and calm, but this one was just so captivating and powerful and immense. i mean, we spent over an hour there and i dont think i saw half of it. the cemetaries here are so much more beautiful than the ones ive seen in the states. i cant even describe it except that today i found another one of my favorite places in the world. i cant get into it right now because i dont have much time, but sometime i will type up the journal entry i wrote while i was there. i need to go back and take pictures... maybe. i dont even know if i would want to take pictures there. all i want to do is sit and look and listen and write. although i could take some amazing pictures of it if i decide to.

so after school i went to the Explorers Club instead of going home for lunch. i called mom on the free phone, picked up my package from her, and took over one of the free computers for a while in order to catch up on emails, messages and apply for volunteer work. i collected all the books and magazines on climbing and learned more climbing vocab in spanish. i am giving a presentation in spanish to my group on friday and im gonna do it about rock climbing. naturally. anyway, i got a lot of work done, but i have a lot more to do so tomorrow is gonna look quite similar i think. except i might go home for lunch.

even though there are places to climb in cusco, im not supposed to exert my body until a couple days after im done taking my antibiotics. and i still need to actually physically track down these places anyway...
sigh...
next week though. next week i am actually gonna go climbing... i will do everything i can to make sure of it.

i have to go take a cab home for dinner now. a bunch of people are going out tonight but i got my journal today and i am stoked to go write lots of thoughts. hopefully everything will still be circulating in my head after dinner.


i have so much more to say here...
i will write again tomorrow if i can.

btw. today was a good day.

life is hard.


uhggggggg.

so i ripped a hold in my shorts today, on a chair. ugg.

other shitty things that have happened on this trip so far:
lost my green long sleeved hooded shirt,
lost my water bottle.

it could be way worse as far as things to lose.

also... i just wanted to say that i am keeping up on reading all your blogs, i just cant comment on blogspot blogs from my kindle. if you are reading my updates and have a chance id love some comments just to know you are there.
facebook messages are loved too.

over halfway done reading Eclipse and almost done with The Road. they are both blowing me away. im gonna need something new soon though. any suggestions?

my stomach/intestines are not fucking working with me right now.

so yesterday my digestive system was like in hyperdrive and today it just doesnt wanna do shit (no pun intended).

i ate breakfast today. and then lunch cause i was starving from yesterday. bad ideas, both.

unluckily we had a field trip today also, and the windy dirt road was tough on my stomach.
luckily it was to aguas calientes, the hot springs.
unluckily they werent very hot.
luckily they still helped a little.

ben and kelsey have been helping too.

ive taken 3 rolaids. had some sprite. have been drinking water both warm and cold. had some tea. and have a mug of hot water leaned against my stomach.

im trying to see if i can get my mind off the pain by writing.

ive been sick enough on this trip to discover a pattern. physical pain is one of my escapes from emotional turmoil. oh wait. i already knew that. but its a bit different to feel happier when im ill than when im climbing really hard, or whatever.

ugg, everyones getting drunk tonight. oh well, at least i already have an excuse to stay in my room. haha. im so boring.

so i woke up with pretty nasty stomach issues. skipped breakfast except a piece of bread. ate some crackers during class. skipped lunch. without too many details let me just say that anything i eat liquifies and goes right through me.

we went to Urubamba to see a market. i almost didnt go but decided it would make too much work for me later. i survived and enjoyed myself.

now im nursing an orange. not sure if that will be good or bad for me. but maybe the citris will kill the bacteria in my stomach. just a hope.

we passed some awesome rocks on the trip today. on friday im probably gonna take a bus back to Calca to do some bouldering. finally.

i might take a nap now or do my homework.

Read a bunch of Eclipse last night. so amazing!

and The Road as always is beautiful.

also, i need to remember my terrifying dream about the jet planes.

today was better. except class sucked. after that i isolated myself from people. but Ben came to hang out and we went to town and had milkshakes and came back and hung out more. it was really nice to be able to relax with him. we also did homework but it was actually really enjoyable. so glad he is here too.

took a hot shower today. amazing and much needed.


tomorrow is zach's birthday. hope its good for him.

ayer. talked with Harrison. he struggles with depression too. we were gonna go look for a rock wall to climb but ended up laying in a field talking. he fell asleep. i sat there and thought myself into a good mood. a rare occurance.

went into Pisac. followed people around who had stuff to do. bought some oreos. would die for a glass of milk. not die. but you get the point.

was tims birthday. he shoved his face into the cake. we ate lots of cake.

not completely pleased with Spanish school. im learning a lot but think the teachers are assholes and dont really like the group im in. whatever. im not here to like people. im hear to learn spanish so i can help people. hahahahahaha fuck.

there are bars on my window. probably to keep me safe not keep me in. but its a good representation of how i feel. strange cause i do feel more free in peru but somehow feel like a prisoner in my life. last night we remet these girls travelling from argentina north... to where ever. on their bikes. selling handmade jewelry to get from place to place. i seriously considered dropping everything to go with them.

townhopping every 1 to 3 nights is almost over. starting tomorrow a week in Pisac. language school starts on monday. back in Cuzco next weekend for two weeks to continue language school and do homestays. then 3 or 4 weeks of independant work. then presentations and evals.

went out to breakfast with Nate today after our test. Went to Jacks. Felt like I was in the US. Met a girl named Ellie and her circus friend Alex. Ate amazing mango pancakes and drank one of the most delicious cups of hot chocolate ever.

more happened but im going to bed.

this has been one of the hardest 24 hours of my life.

i feel guilty and angry and sad and lonely and sick...

im miserable. nothing new.
except she's gone.
if it was best for her than i can live with it... my choice. but its just hard for me to know since i wasnt there.

and i have so much anger for all these different things. and so much sorrow for her.

i cant even deal with this...

"i dont know what to say, look at what i lost today...
get your broom and sweep the echos of yesternights fallen freckles away." -RHCP

yea. i kinda feel like shit today. we could definitely blame that on PMS or just accept that i am forever doomed to feel ostracized or isolated. not that i am. i just feel that way. ... maybe i am.

i need deep (or at least focused) 1 on 1 interaction. i cant function in groups.

i go off on my own a lot. today i went into less touristy market parts of Cuzco by myself. the best parts of the trip have been those times on my own or with one or two other people.

ok. sleep.

the flight into Costa Rica was beautiful. but the layover was torture since we didnt have time to out and see any of the country. we took turns sleeping, going to get food. at one point we both fell asleep and woke up to people taking pictures of us. hahah...

the flight to Lima was long so i turned on my mp3 and pumped some Deadmau5. that is some damn good music to sleep to and when i woke up it was dark and i could see the lights of cities and i knew we were over south america. i continued listening to my music and just watched out my window at the stars reflected on the ground as the lights of peoples lives. it was dreamlike...

at Lima we went through customs. i lost Ben briefly when we found eachother we went to the food court. we hungout trying to find someplace comfortable to sit. eventually I went to exchange some dollars for soles. On the way, I ran into Alex Mahy. He was waiting for the same flight so he decided to join us for the evening. On the way back to Ben we ran into Shannon. She joined us too. We went back to the booths where we thought we might sleep and played some cards. Then we decided to find another place to settle and finally found this hallway where there were two doors and the wall inbetween the two doors was beig enough for us to all pile our stuff and lay down without being in the way of endless people going in an out. We got lots of stares and laughs. People must have been wondering what these crazy white people were doing. anyway, we wrote and slept there, and got laughed at more. then we had to move cause they were cleaning the floor and we went to the other side of the door frame where we saw Ariel who had lost her credit card. We attempted to use the payphones but they didnt work. We went back to where her stuff was and Emerson and Lindsey were there. I let Ariel use my cell phone to call her mom since she was frantic. We played cards, slept, and then those of us with the early flight went to check in and go through security and board.

I slept on the flight, but I woke up just in time. let me just say that decending into Cuzco with the Andes Mountain range surrounding the plane was byfar the most incredible thing ive seen with my own eyes. i didnt get any pictures but they wouldnt do it justice anyway. We arrived at around 7am. We took a cab to La Plaza de Armas and then climbed the slope and steps up to Hostal Resbalosa. When I checked in i pretty much just passed out until about 4pm. I am sharing a room with Ben, Emerson, and Alex. Its awesome cause I obviously know Ben really well and Alex well enough, and Emerson is awesome. I like living with guys better than girls anyway.

When I woke up from my long sleep, I went to the market to get some dinner with a couple people. Didnt stay up too late.

hey all. in the miami national airport where i just spent a very interesting night. i wont go into too many details since it is hard to type on this thing. we went to south beach "last night" on the metro. i put that in quotes because it feels like the same day since we only kinda slept on the airport floor for about 20 minute intervals. it was freezing and i had checked my big bag into storage so ben and i huddled and cuddled for warmth but it wasnt too effective. we had eaten dunkin donuts for dinner in town becuase everything else was ridiculously priced. we had more donuts at 2am while we played cards. slept. didnt sleep. got up. went outside to warm up. got our bags and went to check in. got through security easily and now we are at our gate.

our flights from seattle to chicage and chicago to miami went well too. we sat next to a friendly girl on the first flight and a nice guy on the second flight. there were some funny girls behind us on that one too.

we are about to board. next stop: Costa Rica.