Zippity Do Dah.

We sing that song after some of the meals. I love it. It makes me believe in wonderful feelings and wonderful days. It makes me appreciate the sunshine.

finishing that last post would be pointless.



dude... it feels so good to type and know that i have time to just say what I need to say.



I got my campers yesterday. Whulje boys (3rd and 4th grade). I was pretty nervous going into it, but I guess I wasnt anticipating the things I should have been. Once they were all dropped off, it was pretty much a nightmare... By dinner I was just using all my strength to fight off a total breakdown into tears. I couldnt get them to follow the rules, and worse, I couldnt even tell them the rules because I couldnt get their attention.

And on top of that, I felt like no one believed that I could do this.

But now I feel better about that.

I just know I wouldnt be able to do this without Showtime and Nemo and Feet and Yeti and Paws helping so much. Broadway has given me a lot of pointers too, and basically everyone has some advice or strategy for me to use to get them to be a bit more obedient.



While I was scheduling last night, they were playing games with Showtime. He is so good with kids that when I got them back, he had a code word, and whenever I say it they automatically run to me and listen. ...Like magic. ha. I am super thankful for him, and Nemo is such a good UC. He is so understanding and helpful. And we had kitchen setup this morning, and we didnt get it all done, but the UCs and Directors helped me right out, and it all turned out fine.



I feel good today. After yesterday I thought there was no way I was going to feel good ever all week, but I actually do. I'm excited to be a councelor and not be in the Arts and Crafts room all week. I just hope I can stay calm and keep them under control.

I'm not gonna lie though, I miss living in Gypsy with Pez and Showtime and Sandals. That was a good week, last week. Especially our overnight in the Environmental Center. All my living situations have been pretty good. I liked living in Tapala in a staff cabin a couple weeks ago. And Owakna wasnt bad either, after I got use to it.



Right now I am chilling and listening to music in the staff room for my TO. Its so nice to just relax and enjoy music.

This weekend was awesome too. Spontaneously Amazon invited a bunch of people to her house. Me, Showtime, Gameboy, and Sandals went with her. She lives in Port Orchard but her brother had a swim meet in Federal Way so we drove there on Saturday and I met my dad for lunch which was perfect. I loved spending time with him. We also got some new shoes, jeans and shorts for me. Lucky because this week is supposed to be record breaking heat, and my shoes were practically falling off my feet. Plus I havent had new jeans forever. (PS. I love Goodwill!)



I met the camp people back at the Aquatic Center and we watched a couple races (and bet on them... which I won). After Amazon's brother's race and then we all headed out to PO. We got to her beautiful house covered in flowers and neat things everywhere. She and her grandparents share a yard and a pool, and there are horse barns and pastures, and they have a goose, and cool climbing structures that he dad built. We went swimming, had a BBQ, celebrated with some of her family for birthdays, ate cake, played with potato guns, climbed up her princess tower (which I am super jealous of), took pictures, and just hung out. We got drinks and candy and watched this super awesome movie called "Mysterious Island" which pretty much rivals "The Caveman" for how much me and Alicia would appreciate it. (Can't wait to show her).

I really liked hanging out with all of them. Amazon and I found a common obsession (Twilgiht...duh), ^_^ and raved about it for hours. Sandals is a really chill guy, and is always making people laugh. Gameboy reminds me of Nathan and Zak and Alex, and he and Showtime are going to PAX so that is gonna be a blast! Showtime and I went on a night swim in the pool and watched the stars. It was beautiful. We also stayed up til like 3AM talking. We had a good talk the night before too (our last night in Gypsy) until about 2. We might go see Blink 182 together.
Anyway. I love these people. I love it here.



This is one of my best summers ever. I feel genuinly happy so much of the time. I can still feel my darker side trying to come out and overtake me again, but something about this place and these people seems to help fight it back. Sometimes the sadness breaks through a bit. Sometimes I feel hopeless, like I did in Highschool, but it is occasional, and it is fleeting. On the other hand, its been so long since I found myself laughing so hard that it hurts, but now it happens pretty much everyday. And it isnt the insane fits of laughter that make me cry afterwards, like at Evergreen. Its the good kind, that make me feel light and joyful.

I miss people from North Bend, and Seattle. And from Oregon. And from Evergreen. But I know this is where I should be right now.

What a wonderful feeling that is.

PS. Tyler, I did get tagged out of the game. I will explain later... it was pretty bad. There are technically 3 people left, but one is sick. The new rules are way too intense now anyway. The game ends tomorrow now and a new one starts.

dream... part 1

i feel so down. i have very little time to write, and a lot to say.

my stupid dream was the perfect preface to my day. it set the tone really (or at least, the realization that it was only a dream).
it was a dream that he --i dont know how to specify which "he"-- professed his love for me. it was basically: "i'm in love with you Alex" (or ACE... i cant remember which he used, but i know there was the possibility of either... so that narrows it down to the people who call me ACE, which include Nygil, my soccer coach, and the people from camp.

anyway, it was someone from camp...wonder who... (damn... four minutes to get to Gypsy.)
i didnt believe him. i thought he was playing me
but he found me again and told me to kiss him.

...kissing in dreams... that is strange. especially if you have never kissed that person in real life.

fuck. i will finish this later.

Camp Killoqua...

I like it here. A lot.

^_^

muerto

the more mortality I witness
the more invincible I must become.



The harder the world pushes, the harder I want to push back.
The world won't break...
Will I?