I think
I have a problem.

And right now... as each moment passes... I am spiraling down, into mental chaos.


I feel like everyone knows there is something wrong with me. And they are watching me. Ignoring it. Why are they ignoring it? Why can't I?
And why am I so snappy?
Today... I just couldn't control it. Everything was pissing me off so much.

I just don't understand why are people so stupid?
So impatient.
So CRITICAL.
So annoying.
So hypocritical.
So cliche.
So unthinking.
...seriously. People don't seem to think before they do/say.
And as for me, I'm even worse, because I over think everything I do or say, and most of the time it ends up being wrong. I end up sounding dumb.

I feel that I am pretty patient, but I am losing it. And losing my mind.

For the sake of avoiding the insanity it brings me to think about how crazy I am, tonight, I will just blame all this on being tired. Hopefully that is it. Stress and exhaustion that breaks me down, and not depression, or bipolar.
But, if i am being honest with myself... i feel sick, mentally. And I have a good deal of the time since 7th or 8th grade.


I have found ways to keep it in check.
But when I start to go back down, that is the worst, because I don't know how deep it will be.

-----------------

but maybe
sometimes you just need to fall down to wake up.