This is stupid.
Stupid timing.
Stupid of me to hurt.
Stupid to reference stupid stories.
Stupid that this stupid pain can still exist, and be evoked so meaninglessly.
I'm beating myself now for something I couldn't change,
something I could never change
and something that even if I did change, never would have happened differently.
I don't even know what part of this I am referencing anymore.
Or if I believe anything I said, or anything that happened, or anything that might happen.

I thought I escaped this.
Why is it following me?



It doesn't hurt as much as it once did. I don't think (well I hope) that it never will again.
But life sure is driving me somewhere... it is keeping me at Evergreen next year for a reason, and I can't help but wonder if that is where it is leading...
Can you blame me? to wonder... to hope even.
It hurts to hope.
It hurts to think of either way that this could end up (or another way that I can't even anticipate right now.)
It hurts to know that I can't escape
and its scary that part of me doesn't even want to.