i have no clue what this is
or that.
im so lost.
give it time
give it time

i know.
but what if time passes and i find out it is nothing?
did i miss something, or was that how it was supposed to be?
readers, please, spare me your answers. they arent what i need now.

ariel. i am sorry. i just know that my "problems" are always what i am talking about. and i havent been so good at listening to you lately. but i am trying. i love you... so come vent to me when you need it.

nygil. thanks for being so great. thanks for everything. and the poem. that was beautiful.

there are other people i want to address, but those are the two for tonight.
i'm tired. my day is long tomorrow. i won't have time to spend with people i really want to.

its bedtime. past, really. but i would have stayed up as long as you stayed over. i enjoy your company and jokes.

gosh, it so strange that things can change so quickly.
i leave for 2 days and come back, and suddenly i am in this alternate universe where nothing that was going to happen, is happening.
its shocking. it threw me off for a bit.

the good thing is though... i like this up-in-the-airness. just because it makes each day different, stressful as it is. i know i cant keep it up for so long. like i said, i need some stability somewhere.
consistency, at least. because i keep going back and forth between these paradigms... ahh thats why i liked Em's status so much. Its exactly how I feel. No clutch...

haaaaaaaaaaaa
im too tired for all the shit in my mind.
sooo much more to say. not enough time.
give it time
give it time
i don't have time to give.
to sleep.
to think enough.
i think too much anyway.

gaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
goodnight.