its truly amazing how much more powerful hate can be, when it is directed at someone you love. and even through this genuine and immense hatred, you don't want to hurt them with it.


I REALLY REALLY FUCKING HATE YOU. And I hate how many years and how much energy I have put into you. And I have to accept that you are never going to appreciate me, and the good I have been in your life... never enough to feel guilt for how you've hurt me.

No. Only when you want something, are you willing to express guilt; willing to feel sorry for something or someone.

Well, I am sorry. I'm fucking sorry that for whatever reason, I am not good enough, and never have been. Maybe all the influence I have been in your life has been negative. Maybe I'm the reason you make such shitty choices now. Maybe I destroyed you, and us, and everything.
But I don't think so. I think I just deserve better than this.



it was good to vent.