i don't even know where to begin talking about how I feel. i guess i don't really want to, cause its always the same ol shit.

I've started dreaming again consistently.

The first one was about Tyler and I escaping bubbles in my garage, ending up on a crane that was hanging over a cliff. We were still running away from something so he pretty much pushed me off telling me I had a parachute, when all it looked like was a climbing harness. Then I pulled him down with me, and we were falling so fast. He pulled this string on the harness and this really flimsy parachute released. It only caused a little drag on the fall, and I remember feeling certain we were going to die. But I guess it slowed the fall enough that we didn't die when we landed in the back of Ariel's new convertible. She drove us away...

I had another dream the next night. Can't really remember. It was something about a factory... geez, i really can't remember.

Then the next night, I dreampt about Nygil. I don't recall the beginning, but he was taking me away to somewhere. We were driving and kept having to stop for various things. We were dating and he really wanted me to meet his friend. On one of our stops we ran into his friend and to my dismay, it was Grey. I felt really conflicted and suddenly remembered why I had liked him so much at camp. We caught up on talking. And alot of weird things happened in this place we were staying. I don't remember details, just feelings. I felt torn between them (Matt F was there at some point too which made it even harder). I also felt uncomfortable about some of the happenings, though I don't know what they were.

Last night, I had a scary dream. It wasn't terrifying but it just put me in a lot of situations that were hard. So... there were 3 parts to it.
Part 1) Black Darkness
PAX or some convention. A lot of people I know are trying to get in. I think its a concert festival or something but I was in line with my mom and she was buying Nathan, Becca, Amanda, and I tickets. The tickets were really expensive especially if you wanted to see the headlining bands. I told mom it was really important to Nathan and Amanda that they saw those bands but not to worry about buying the most expensive tickets for Becca and I (I planned on getting in to whatever show I wanted to, with or without tickets). In the middle of buying tickets something happened. There was like a government intervention and they were trying to brainwash us all into doing something. I ran away and hid. I found someother people who were hiding, about my age, and we decided to wreak some havoc. We started tearing down the walls where the main bands were going to play. We did this so everyone could see whoever they wanted. We kept tearing down more and more walls until they sent these machines after us to kill us. I think I hid in an office somewhere, and Matt and Becca might have been there to help me too. Later, when things calm down, I meet up with Nathan and Amanda. I don't remember anything else.
Part 2) Leaving Light
Its the next day and everyone from the concert is staying at Evergreen. We are all staying in Zach/Tyler/Eric/Daniel's apartment, but they arent there. I remember waking up as the sun is going down. There were tons of people laying on the field and Alicia, Meagan ect were getting ready to go out and bask in the sun as well. I got ready and went to join them a bit after they left. Right when I get out there the sun is just setting behind the trees. I head back to the apartment and get a phone call that tells me that my mom is dead. From the feeling I remember getting, I don't think she was dead permanantly, because I was just disappointed that it would be a long time before I saw her again. Nathan and Becca reacted a lot differently and wanted to leave right away. I followed them.
Part 3) Day and Dusk and Dark
Then next day, we were at a tropical beach. Becca and I were feeling really upset and decided to swim out into the ocean. We swam to this rock that some people had built. It was meant for climbing, but it wasn't built very well. We messed around on it for a while, but the shoes I was wearing werent good. She floated around in the warm water for a while while I tried to figure something out about the rock formation. I think I went back to it later with my climbing shoes. I remember loving that everytime I fell I would fall into water. The water was so clear which made me feel even better. It wasn't very deep, but deep enough that I wouldn't hit the bottom when I fell. At some point Tyler was with me, but he didn't stay long. There was a storm coming, and we weren't supposed to be out there. The rock wasn't very versatile and I was frusterated about that, but I remember never wanting to leave. For some reason, I did anyway. There was a circus of sorts on the beach and when I got back to shore I watched for a while. Most people retreated because of the storm. The sky was getting dark and the rain was getting closer. There was also an oil spill that happened while the circus was going on. It was right below one of the acts where this woman was walking on a tightrope between a cliff and the rock formation, while juggling things that were on fire. She dropped one and there was this explosion of fire. The rain didn't help and it was completely dark outside. Most people started running away and screaming, but I stood there watching for a bit. Apparently there was a tsunami coming too, and I started running around trying to find people who were stuck in buildings or lost. I couldn't find Nathan or Becca though but I thought if I kept helping people my siblings would survive too.



The details are all pretty fuzzy. These dreams weren't as vivid as I used to have, and my memory kinda let them fade over today and the past few days.