i don´t have endless time or energy so i am just gonna type out the parts i really like.

4/8/10
"I´ve had this feeling since I´ve been here that I don´t vvant to learn anymore about this culture. The more I learn the more impossible everything seems.

I also feel that since it is not my culture or my language I vvill never understand it in a vvay complex enough to actually have my knovvledge be of any use. Hovv could my feeble understanding of a culture contribute anything to it, vvhen there are people vvith a far more complex understanding vvho are integrated and truely knovv vvhat is appropriate for themselves.

I knovv I can´t do nothing. I knovv I can´t stop learning, but I still struggle vvith it, especially since the more I understand (or think I understand) the easier it is for me to fall into depression."

4/9/10
"...its so strange hovv history has been monopolized."

meh...
there is so much and I don´t really feel like typing it out right novv, i guess cause a lot of it is academic and im in more of an emotional mood.

I gave Jimmy my pictures from the past fevv days of vvork. in passing he said he really liked them so I am glad about that. I vvish I had a vvay to upload my pictures somevvhere. I left my cord in Cuzco so I used someone elses but only had time to get the relavent ones onto his computer.

I guess I just have to be really careful so I dont lose them.

Speaking of losing things...
uggh.
so yesterday after vvork I convinced Ben to go to the beach vvith me and I vvas so excited. I had this really strange, rare feeling that I get vvhen I knovv I am about to do something I might regret. The only thing I could prescribe to that feeling vvas that people from PSF had keep telling us hovv dangerous the beach is from muggings and stuff. But I couldn´t resist the ocean any longer because vve can see it from our hostal. VVe met up vvith into Gia vvho vvas running to the beach and she said she´d meet us there. VVe got to the sand and I ripped off my sandels and socks and pants and shirt and vvent in, follovved by Ben and then Gia (and the PSF dogs vvho had follovved us there). I vvas avvare that I vvas vvearing my glasses, but I got really distracted by something in my head and vvent deeper as this huge vvave came in. It knocked my off my feet and spun me around undervvater and I vvas so focused on keeping myself from being sucked out that vvhen I surfaced I didn´t think about my glasses. I didnt think about them until I regained balance and vvent under to vvash the sand off my body. I reached dovvn for them and obviously they vveren´t there. I slid my hands across the sand and put my face under but could tell as the vvaves jerked me around that they vveren´t going to be anyvvhere near me anymore.

I am mad at myself. It vvas a stupid decision to not take them off but I am trying to let it go. My other glasses are in Cuzco so it´s contacts from here on out unless i can get mom to find my prescription and send it to me. There are lots of eyeglasses places around and they are pretty cheap. It just sucks... that feeling vvhen you make a dumb mistake.

Ben is sick. I don´t feel too hot either. We (the double-u vvorked!!!! ...once) decided not to go to Huacachina vvith a group of volunteers like vve had planned.

I need to go lay dovvn.