nothing.
er...
what we learn, amounts to nothing if we do not pay attention to how we use it and to how it becomes an actor in our lives.

BREAK

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"We meet at short intervals, not having had time to acquire any new value of each other. We meet at meals three times a day, and give each other a new taste of that old musty cheese that we are. We have had to agree on a certain set of rules, called etiquette and politeness, to make this frequent meeting tolerable and that we need not come to open war." (from Walden)

And instead we wage it silently, or all to often to the wrong person in the wrong forum, and without enough forethought. "...this double-ness may easily make us poor neighbors and friends sometimes." We do not reflect on whether our language accurately represents the truth, or if it is merely an easy way to hold interesting conversation. We do not reflect long enough on what we know in out hearts before we say the words aloud that we can't unsay. And the perceptions we create by this speaking before thinking is what perpetuates these misunderstandings and complications. They have been perpetuated to the point that our lives seem boring and empty without them, and so we begin to purposely create falsities (which accumulates with those occurring naturally, as before). When something is simple, there is no need to complicate it. When something is already complicated, why make it more so? I guess what I am trying to say is this:

"If you don't know the kind of person I am
and I don't know the kind of person you are
a pattern that others made may prevail in the world
and following the wrong god home we may miss our star.

For there is many a small betrayal in the mind,
a shrug that lets the fragile sequence break
sending with shouts the horrible errors of childhood
storming out to play through the broken dyke.

And as elephants parade holding each elephant's tail,
but if one wanders the circus won't find the park,
I call it cruel and maybe the root of all cruelty
to know what occurs but not recognize the fact.

And so I appeal to a voice, to something shadowy,
a remote important region in all who talk:
though we could fool each other, we should consider--
lest the parade of our mutual life get lost in the dark.

For it is important that awake people be awake,
or a breaking line may discourage them back to sleep;
the signals we give--yes or no, or maybe--
should be clear: the darkness around us is deep."
-William Stafford

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RETURN

Remember what you learned:
do not prevent. ALLOW. Allow the things to happen as they will. BUT that is not all we know. although we do not wield control over all things, and although we must be open, and ALLOW, we must also be aware, and acknowledge our role in the sequence of play. part of this is active, and part is passive. part is reaction, part is reflection. part is internal, and part is external.

the internal anger will only repeat the cycle. know when to use your voice to throw the pattern off, and create something new.

focus! remember. you do not need reminders. they are in your heart.
just relax.
just allow.
just speak when it is your time... no sooner, no later.
don't be so concerned with that. it is not concerned with you.

boundaries. in solitude there is much to speak of. in singularity there is power. and in cooperation, there is something. you will get there.

breath.
live.
it is simple. you over-think.
it is fun. it is funny.
love. nothing can destroy that. questions do not apply. it is. do. feel.

we've discussed the problems with external. we misconstrue meaning. we lose truth in word. but...
TRY
this is both. and we must. always. it is what we have. there is nothing more, except to fade. and we have been there.

there is more. it is less.

it is fucking 4 am, that's what it is.