i don't where to express what
or how.
so i'm just gonna type it out...

i feel really anxious
and aimless

last night i was memorized by the beauty of everything
performance
poetry
dance
love
and i was immersed in it; lost in it

and today...
i don't feel connected to anything

even though this morning was nice, the rest has been full of small-talk, seemingly unreceived large-talk, and numbing freeway car-travel.


mmm,
i'm sick of trying to make this article happen. what i'm saying doesn't matter
to me
right now, at least.
but i know how much it will suck getting a copy of inkwell next year without myself in it. though, it'd be worse if i hated what of myself was in it. (i shouldn't hate any of myself though, right?)

fuck
i'm just spiraling lower tonight.

its nice to see mom and dad. the kitties. becca comes tonight and nathan tomorrow.

other than that everything feels disgusting.
i just feel far away from meaning, and sorta wasted...


mocha doesn't like the saxophones at the end of this song.
i don't like the next song.
oh, but this one.
"in that dream I'm as old as the mountains!"
i don't know how to share with another. i feel confined in myself right now. maybe as it should be.
i don't know
i don't know

"i don't, i don't know who to believe..."