Every day
more species die.

284 Beluga Whales left
I know I
know
its always the charismatic
mega fauna
that capture our attention.
Whales, tigers, wolves, bears, elephants, monkeys and
humans.

But this time its a song and a memory. 
Sitting on the floor of my 3rd grade classroom
singing a song about the light blue
beluga babies.

Sitting on my bunk bed in my comfortable
yellow-lit room
with dark blue carpets
dreaming of the ocean.

If they are all dead in my lifetime
what will it all mean to me?

It will mean that I didn't do enough.

284
is less days
than have passed this year,
and more than enough time for
every
last
one
to disappear,
dissolve under our will
or lack thereof.

---

What world do I live in?
I despair
every day
I praise
the sky and the breeze that brings me
life and breath and
radiation
from across the sea.

I pick up discarded fast
food wrappers on the road on my way downtown
every day
and sit in a cafe
and create more waste.

What person am I?
What world is this?

It seems certain
I am no ring-bearer on a great quest across Middle Earth
for then I would have more direction
as to where to go,
and what to do
and have
a known task to undertake
to end the dark forces and
save the world.

Or maybe not.

How can I be?
How can I be pushing on the world
with the greatest leverage
if I don't know where that is?

How can I be holding so many conflicting
repelling things
together
in common
at once?

I need to be both strong and surrendering
solid and yeilding
understanding and challenging
rooted and pervasive
here and there
optimistic and realistic.
all-encompassing and focused
directed and open
forgiving and un-excusing.

I must hold it all
and not be weighed down.

and its so difficult.

---

some days
I wish I could live to be
284
or more.