"You just seem distant..."

Sometimes I feel like an old car that needs to be jump-started all the time in order to run right.

"Right"...
like there is a wrong.

It must be wrong to be so gone,
so gone from when I am.
so disconnected.

I want to feel more.

Perhaps my tendency to feel everything has begun to leave me numb.

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[section omitted for sanity]
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[section omitted for now]
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I like to believe in Dig.
to believe that someone can/will always be there/able to pull me out of the hole I get myself into with this head of mine.
but right now, I don't believe that.

I'm not sure anyone I know right now has the strength or the means to keep me from falling.

Even the prospect of traveling isn't helping
...much.
There is a glimmer of hope...
maybe I will meet someone,
maybe I will see something.

maybe I will find some inspiration.

maybe.

I'm trying.
But life, as always, has its own direction.
Right now its throwing me more bones than I can fit in my mouth at once.
Is that good or bad?
or neither. . .

All of these arguments about happy vs. sad are making me think that mabe neither exist, and all there is, is in-between. all there is, is limbo.


But...
limbo is middle,

and middle is balance

and that is what you wanted
right?

(Maybe we always get what we want, eventually. That seems to be. But why is it always so bittersweet?)