Goddamnit, I need a new notebook. Filled up the last one about a week ago.

I bought a new one, but it isn't right. Maybe I shouldn't be so picky... I just know the type I got fall apart really easily.

Whatever...

I decided to stay at Killoqua for another week instead of doing Summer Winds, and I made that decision even before Killoqua was sure they could pay me. I just knew I needed to be here. Here makes me happy.
Made?
Well... so far this week, I feel I am falling backwards into my normal state of feeling (or unfeeling, if you will).
But I am fighting that off.
And so is camp.

And its not that I feel alone...
even though I kinda am...
I just wish I had something stable.
Which is maybe why this Grey situation is taking a turn I didn't think it would.

I'd be really nice if I could do something without complete screwing it up, or messing myself up emotionally. That's what I like about camp... I feel that I am doing something good, and I feel good doing it.
Except this week, so far.

Mom is coming for my TO tomorrow.
I am on my Out right now, in the Staff room, waiting for Grey.

Maybe I am writing myself into a hole right now, because I am not expressing what I need to.
I need more time to myself. To reflect.
(It will come... you will miss this.)

Ok. time to go enjoy my last week here.