Isn't it amazing when a lyric, or a song, or even a whole album just describes your life perfectly? And somehow you discover it right when you need it (right when you need someone to understand all the unspeakable thoughts that are flying through your mind...)
The tone too.
Relaxed and soft, but intense.

"how the wind in your hair now feels differently"


I'm trying to deconstruct the album. I remember you said you thought it could be a story. Can't put it together all the way right now.

I just know there are some lines in there that are really speaking to me right now.

--

Today, walking from Snoqualmie to North Bend. The wind danced with my hair. The sun held my skin. Life just seemed to surround me. I was so light. Walking felt like flying.
It was probably one of the most beautiful moments of my life. I was happy. I was practically in tears at the thought that I can actually be so happy. And so balanced, and so content, that I can't even control a smile. Not just a smile either. A huge, invincible grin, that made people turn their heads and wonder what could possibly inspire such joy.
I am happy because I'm alive, and today was a beautiful day to be alive.
I am happy because I'm growing; changing, but also accepting the parts of me that are constant.


Oh, that reminds me... I was re-reading some of the posts I wrote before camp. Because of how I felt/feel today, I was shocked by something I had said in June, in "beauty." I said:

"I have to suffer because of who I am. Yes, I can change, grow, find joy... but my soul will always be inherently the same, and the world won't change enough that my soul will be fit to settle in, and be content or sure."

I don't know how true or untrue that statement is, but I do know that I have thought it for years now. But suddenly, I feel I feel that I can transcend that about myself, by living a certain way. (God, I know I sound so crazy sometimes..) Either way, I felt so much overwhelming rightness today that I thought I was going to burst. At camp, that was fairly common, but I honestly thought that would leave the moment I got back here.

There was a moment in Grey's car yesterday, when... I felt this light leaving me. It was instant, but it was just... there was something there inside me, and then there wasn't. And I felt suddenly unfamiliar. Except that it was the dull feeling which I had accepted as natural for so long.

But then there was something else inside me, (not so physically present as the first one felt) and it refused to let me feel dark for more than a second. And even though I felt like something changed, I still felt amazing.

"weve got nowhere to go, but here."