Some things feel surreal today.

The summer heat seems to have gone with the coming of the rainstorm.
I don't know why or how, but the crisp air seems to have knocked me out of complete equilibrium. It came sooner than I was expecting.


Yesterday I landed on my foot wrong and seem to have torn something, or at least severely strained some tendons. There were a couple times when I moved my foot yesterday after the fall that I was overcome by agonizing pain in my ankle, down my foot, and up my leg. I don't really know how bad it is. There is no pain today, but I am afraid to take my foot out of the boot that Ben gave me. Testing the range of movement in my foot could result in severe amounts of pain that I just don't have the will to bring upon myself.

I am going to the dentist today. Finally. I really need a tooth guard for nighttime.

I thought about leaving for Vancouver today, but I am exhausted and now have to deal with my foot. I need to pack anyway. Ariana's birthday is tomorrow and I really wanna see her, but mom also said she wouldn't be able to pick me up from Vancouver on the way down to Sunriver anyway. I donno...
Its also weird that I am going to be in Sunriver. I'm excited for the trip. It just almost doesnt seem possible that my whole family will be there all together again (for the first time since we moved, I believe).

At some point I am supposed to call Nygil, and Josh.
I just can't bring myself to do it.
I miss them both dearly, but I don't feel like talking on the phone, making small talk (as would happen with Josh) or trying to delve into the complexity of "how I am."
I don't get to see Josh. What if I never see him again?
I don't think that will happen, but he lives across the country now... and Alaska is just as far, but it sure doesnt feel like it.

In a few weeks I will be living within a half mile of Nygil and we will be able to see eachother whenever we damn well please. But I just know I'm gonna be swamped with work, so there's a possibility that I might see him just as much as if he was living across the country too.
Well, that was an exaggeration... but you get the point.

While we're on the subject of distance:
time, place, understanding...

Becca will be close to me, in Tacoma.
As will Minnie.
Hell, Jasmine will be in Portland, which is loads closer than she was before.

James, Emily, Dana,
Caitlin,
Mustang, Paws,
Matt, Mom, Dad,
Peekaboo,
Cinder,
Coco and Mocha...
they will all be farther then I'd like them to be.
and more.

But its cool, when there are people (and animals) you can be close to even if you are far away from them,
even if you hardly see or talk to them.
I like that.


Ok. There is stuff to be done before Becca and I go to our appointments.
...And instead of doing those things... I think I might take a nap.
I'm not quite sure how much sleep I did or didnt get last night, but it sure doesnt feel like much.