james asked me to update this thing more often.

I donno why I haven't been writing as much lately. Just catching up with people I guess... trying to live in the world rather than keep up with writing down all my thoughts about it.

but i suppose... i should not abandon my writing, for it has never really abandoned me.

I'm sitting in my cozy little room. listening to a strange rap/really weird music.
its catchy enough.

im feeling bad, but only because i have slight cramps and on top of that... i ate too many cookies/cupcakes (the downfall A. being a girl, and B. having all you can eat at the Greenery, AND roommates who like to bake.)

Alicia and I went downtown today after she did orientation stuff. We wandered. I ate some yakisoba and had bubble tea. I bought a cute bright yellow tanktop, which inspired me to alter some clothes... but i left all that stuff at home. :(
its okay though, my roommate ggave me a death cab shirt, and it doesnt quite fit, so i need to figure out how to make that work better for me, cause the graphic is just too adorable, and so was the gesture.

i also wanna hang more stuff on my wall. all i have is like... a million twilight posters/magazine pictures of the actors.
my roommate Em is so fuckin creative. And Alicia was painting some masterpieces earlier, so Im just like constantly inspired to be making/decorating.
hah.

but yea. so in leiu of actually having the means to make/alter something... i might just try on a bunch of new clothing combinations to feel a bit creative
*shivers with jealousy*

Ahh... my final roommate Sarah finally made her existence known. She is really cool; we had a good convo about programs and such. She was going to switch with Carolyn (who got booted out for Em), but I donno if that is going to happen.
Honestly, I dont really care, cause I think we will all be cool with eachother, and hang out together anyway.

yea... i wrote in my journal last night, and i am tempted to transcribe that to here, though... i don't think i will. it just talks about my dorm, being new and beautiful and clean and lovely. and it talks about having Alicia here. And it talks about the people who are here or who should be here soon. And it talks about the people I miss.
I also made a "to do" list of ten items... four of which i completed today. yay!

one of those things was to see Ariana, which I did today cause she was in town! That was so wonderful!! She is even more beautiful than i remember. She seemed to be doing well too. But just seeing her, and knowing what she has had to deal with these past few months... I got a bit teary-eyed. She got some bubble tea too. It was funny, because my favorite memory of us was when we went downtown, got bubble tea, sat by the water taking pictures, and then running through the fountain. She was so happy. She is so strong, cause I still see that spark in her. And... I felt like she appreciates life so much... it was just little things she said that let me see exactly how she was dealing with all of this. She talked about it. She talked as though she has had to explain it a lot. But... yea... god. She had her ticket-taker, or whatever for restaurants (the little black book where they write down your order). She bought one that had a picture window, and she put a picture of Mike in it. She got a replica tattoo of one that he had, and she mixed his ashes in the ink they used for it.

Things like this make me feel like I can be a lot stronger.
I was thinking about this last night, considering my strength
...why I am doing so much better this year?
Is it cause I am more familiar with the place?
Is it cause I just got use to a particular way I feel when Im away from home?
Is it cause I have grown a lot? I am ready to be more independent? I spent most of the summer at camp? I am more sure of myself? I have a better living situation? I am happier with my schedule/excited about what I am doing this year?
Am I stronger or is it just easier?

Anyway. I think I can be stronger.
So... it pains me to be away from Matt, and my family, and my pets, and friends...
but this is my choice. And I am doing something here, and they are doing stuff over there, and it isn't like someone was tragically ripped away from my life.


So... I am doing well.

Tomorrow I have the first day of my retreat.
School starts a week from today (yesterday, since its 1am)
I hope that I can carry this calmness and this happiness with me, throughout this busy busy quarter ahead of me.