WHATTHEHELL!!?!?

These past two days have literally been a nonstop roller coaster ride for me.
I feel like.... oh god, I don't even know.

All I know is I just spent 4 hours talking/listening to someone who last week I was convinced hated me.

I didn't get my book read, or my paper started, making tomorrow look pretty insane already.

And I feel like I haven't slept for so long even though I got like 10 hours of sleep last night. Well today... 4 am to 2pm.
My mind is utterly mush, or feels that way because it is swirling with so many thoughts having to do with academics, running, social life, love life, the meaning of life... on and on and on.

Last night. That in itself was overwhelming.
Today...
today...
ohmygod today...

I wish I could actually write what happened but I really can't on here. I can just say that on a roller coaster you have all this build up on the way up, and then on the way down it feels completely different, and shocking. And that has happened so many times in the last 40 hours that my head is spinning out of control.
To put it another way, there have been multiple times that there was so much emotion in me that if I didn't exhibit it physically I probably would be hospitalized. And even jumping up and down, stomping, throwing my arms wildly, running at top speed, throwing myself on the ground, screaming, pacing, kicking, yelling about it.... none of that was enough to express what it all really feels like inside. All of those things sound really violent, like I am angry. I'm not really angry, or sad or anything like that. I am just REALLY REALLY REALLY fucking confused.

I'm just gonna try to get it all out by saying some general things about this... its gonna be really rambly and un-punctuated because I can hardly think straight anyway.
I saw so much of your humanity tonight that it was almost like the more you talked the more human you got and at points it felt like you were a completely different person than I have ever known you to be. And thats true cause you are a completely different person. You have such a thick mask covering you at all times. And even though you are the most blunt person I have ever met, I never even had a glimpse of... of... of you, until tonight. I have known you for a year. I saw you about half those days, and talked to you many of them and there was twice before that you gave me something more than you give everyone else. But you gave me... all of it tonight. No wonder Im in shock right now, cause... who you are, who you really are, is someone I truely like. I think you are amazing. And I have so much empathy for you. And I love listening to you talk, even though you never shut up. I just... had no clue how fucking thick that mask was until now. And it blows my mind that you... do that every day. Cause the more you peeled it off, little by little, the greater I thought you were, the harder you made me laugh, and the more I wanted to know.

I can't even...
fuck. time is speeding tonight.
i need to go read.
i just want to go talk to you more.

can't life stop for a second, please?