I'm glad I had you with me last night,
but it didn't protect me from horrible dreams.

They're all very crepuscular.
(haha... sorry, this blog was interrupted by my having to write the Writing Center "word of the day," luckily it kinda fits.)
But I still thought they were real.


Two nights ago it was zombie dreams (this was the night Dana stayed in my bed with me).

1. The first one was Matt and I. We were running, and we found ourselves in a dead end... a room with a bed and a comforter. We hid on the bed, under the blanket and talked quietly about how to escape, and how we were likely about to die. All of a sudden, we heard a noise from the doorway and we were silent and still; not breathing, hoping not to die. I guess I held my breath in my sleep cause I woke myself up, but it was in an instant when in the dream I was squeezing my eyes closed, and thought that the actual opening of my eyes was just in my dream. So even though I was awake I could the noises outside the door, and I could feel "Matt" next to me, and hear "his" breathing. It took me about 5 minutes to fully digest that I had been dreaming of the zombies, and was now awake, lying next to Dana, not Matt.

Only then did I allow myself to drift back into sleep.
The next dream was worse in a way because I was stuck in it for longer, and there was more buildup, more uncertainty.

2. We had found this abandoned, but up kept, mansion. It was me and some of my friends though I can't recall who. It doesn't matter. We knew the zombies were coming, we just didn't know when. We decided to look for the most secure room. It was a very long bedroom, bigger than Nathan/Becca's old room at home, much bigger, and it had locks on the doors. It was used as a storage room, but most of the stuff was in piles in the closet (which was about the size of that big bedroom at home, and which locked securely away from the other room). We found a secret door in the closet that led to a smaller storage room with dim lighting and low ceilings (and locks). Attached to that was another secret, tiny room which had a trap door that lead to the main house. I peaked out the trap door and saw that there were hundreds of kids packing themselves in the house trying to escape the zombies. I secured the door and went through the maze of rooms back to the big bedroom where my friends were trying to screen everyone for infection. Eventually we realized that if we didn't let them in faster, we would have a huge problem, so they just started pouring in, un-screened. This bothered me, but it was the only choice. The amount of people (mostly high school age) filled the room and the closet. None were infected as we found out over time. For some reason though, we had to get out of that room... likely to get food, but we took everyone. We found these moveable walls, and made basically a long hallway of people holding the walls up. It worked. We could hear the zombies on the other side, and we got pretty far, but then we were stuck, and things started going wrong. Some people were holding the walls sideways, so they weren't high enough to keep us truely safe...
People began paniking... but I think I woke up before the real chaos unfolded.


Last night... I kinda thought I'd be safe with you next to me. I felt safe, thats for sure.
My dream though... it was so real.

3. Tyler came over to my dorm one night and he was quieter than normal (not much, but I caught on). He told me Zach had just died... in a car accident. He wasn't upset. He was laughing; trying to make it better with his attitude. "It's all about how we look at it" he said. I was so frustrated at his reaction to this, and I left without a word. I was sobbing. I tried to go tell other people, and either they didn't know who he was, or they simply replied "why do you care? You didn't even really like him." That's not true. I relate to him in ways I couldn't ever explain to you...in so many ways, he makes me feel less alone. That's what I said in response, but only in my head. It got to a point where I was pacing. Walking frantically around campus looking for Zach. I wanted to ask him why he was so stupid to get in a car. I hated cars so much more suddenly, and I hated drivers and I hated that I knew exactly what happened that caused him to die. I could see it in my head. He and Eric in the car... Zach would be making jokes... sometimes he was driving, sometimes he wasn't. When the crash happened, he was, and he momentarily looked over at the passenger (this was where my view was from and I could see the other cars headlights get brighter and brighter behind his smile. It wasn't a smile anymore. He knew he was about to die.
After I was able to see what had happened in my mind, I started screaming. Screaming and just flailing everywhere. It made my body in real life twitch to life and I was suddenly back in my room, sitting straight up, trying to catch my breath.

You asked me if I was okay, without moving. I thought about it for a second. Honestly my initial thought was "I'm not always going to be this lucky. It's not always going to just be a dream." I told you the basics, burrowed my head in your shoulder, and went back to sleep. My alarm went off about 30 minutes later and it was time for you to get ready for class. You gave me a hug, I thanked you, you left.
I fell back to sleep.

4. This dream is the hardest to explain, and was also the most crepuscular (I'm so glad I know that word now...I've always needed a word to it). I was alone. I think it was a continuation, because I remember feeling very depressed, and very alone. Em had David and Mark over from next door. I was just getting up for the day... I couldn't help it cause they were being so loud. I wanted to get up though, and see them. I needed to see someone who might understand how I feel. I don't think I was talking to Tyler anymore, and I think I remember Ariel was mad at me. Nygil was gone, everyone I knew was gone. I thought Mark would understand. I don't remember it all. I just remember that when he was leaving I didn't want him to. He gave me a hug and I didn't let go for a while. Then I did and he didn't let go. And then he left. My sister came in when that was going on, and she met Mark. She had bad news... something about the family but I can't remember. She couldnt stay long, but she gave me a hug and told me she loved me. Then she was gone too.
All else I remember was being around campus, searching for people I knew. It was part of the UW campus though, not Evergreen, except it was right outside my dorm (in the roundabout/circle thing where the smokers tent would me). Anyway... I was wandering. It was dim out. I was alone. I saw Mark but that was it, he was busy, but he wanted me to feel better.

I woke up. Time to go to work.


Last night Nygil told me about lucid dreaming. I will work on that.