prepare yourself for any possibility?

thats the thing... you can't ever be fully prepared. you have to be flexible... yet strong. you have to be willing to learn something new and fight for what you know. but you will not be fully prepared. it is not the way of the universe. from chaos stems everything else... and so everything is chaos, and so are you. feel. let yourself feel.

go with it.
"fall a lot"
take deep breaths.

when your in the middle of a stormy sea, there may not be anything to hold, and it will be scary and you will feel like you are about to die...
but you are alive. this is what it is to be alive. wonderful terrible frightening.
but within all of that, somehow, there is comfort in the vastness of possibility.
there is humor in the absurdity of reality.
there is wonder within the unknown.
and there is truth.
and there is also love and connection.

uncertainty is damn scary.
truth might just be even scarier.
I am terrified. i am terrified of being strewn out helplessly.
but i am not helpless. i have to remember that. i have to remember. i have to be strong, and be weak and just let being whatever I am be enough.

and i am writing this for myself, so that no matter what happens, when I come back, I can remember that when the wind blows the hardest and almost lifts me up, i am home.
that when the sea crashes on me, i am alive.
when chaos ensues, i am a part of the universe

and maybe that is all i can know.




this is all incoherent nonsense to you, probably.
it is to me too, as a whole.
i dont know what i am trying to tell myself.
i dont think i have anything to tell myself
except that i had conviction to make myself grow from this, and i must not lose sight of that.
And so...
just like last night,
I am as ready as I ever will be...