Paper= finished.
Not my best... but I don't really feel like I need to give my best all the time anymore. Maybe that sounds like a cop-out, but really it is just one of the many ways I am changing right now. I feel like liberating myself of some of my old vices, and within this transition, I am simultaneously readopting some of my other vices --overeating for example. However, I think it balance out eventually. Its just one of those reactionary things...

It's 1:30 am. I need to get off to bed about 30 minutes ago to get a full night of sleep, but I also realize that I haven't don't any personal writing all weekend, and doubt I will get any semblance of sleep unless I purge myself of a few thoughts first. No thoughts in particular...

I just know that this weekend I found some truth, and some peace (along with some trouble, but there we are again with the balance). I danced, and actually felt like a dancer. I lived and actually felt alive. For the first time in so long, I just did what I wanted to do, and stopped worrying about anything else. It felt damn good too.
It helped that I hardly knew anyone at the party, but even still, I was just compelled to let my body and mind react to my surroundings how they would. At first, this scared me... I thought it meant I would end up getting wasted, or doing something weird like that (I had one sip of Ariel's drink which was enough for my body --or more accurately, my taste buds-- to tell me that was definitely not what I wanted). I laughed a lot. I talked to strangers. I danced for hours straight. I felt alive, and a part of something, and not outcast. Sure, I felt different from most the people there, but in a good way, which is a change for how I normally react mentally to environments like that.

I feel like what I am saying won't make sense to anyone else. I'm completely okay with that.

A lot of things that happened this weekend (mostly separate from the party), and last week, have just altered my perspective. Interactions with people is the main thing.




It's late. And tomorrow is a long day.
And... exciting. Yea, surprisingly that is the word I would use to describe it.
I am excited to discuss this book (Hungry Planet), and do peer review in integration papers.
We have a class potluck between the two, which should be exciting. (While I was writing my paper Ariel asked Em to make cookies for me to bring for my class, so thanks to both of them).
I also look forward to having a few tutoring sessions in the evening.
And there might be some other good things going on that I'm anticipating. ^_^


Couple Shoutouts:
Ariel for going on one heck of an adventure with me this weekend.
Carolyn, Mom, Rob, John, and public transit for making transport possible.
Ben J for the party; John/Matt for the place to crash. (James, we used your bed.)
Rob and Ben S and Ariel for sharing their fries with me. (Randy's!)
Emily, Carolyn, and Ariel for dancing the night away with me.
Ariel for having a point and shoot camera for capturing stupid pictures and video recording my attempts at stripteases/at being world class stage performing singer in our dorm/at dancing to dub-step with strobe lights.
Ben (other one) for not only dressing up as the Phantom, but for also staying in character and being able to appear out of thin air (and disappear suddenly) during our impromptu journey to Safeway.
Sean (Ben S's friend) for dressing up as Max from Where the Wild Things Are.
Kiera and Kyle for the fire dancing.
Mom and Dad for talking to me, and loving me no matter how crazy I am.
Caitlin for being my best friend, no matter how disconnected we are.
Tyler and Eric and Zach for placing 5th (or 8th) at their tournament.
Nygil and James for being two of my favorite people ever.
James for his Rocky Horror outfit.
Mom for making the best dinosaur costume ever.
Em for cookies.
Ariel for that fucking disgusting sign on the door reminding me to get my cookies in the morning.
Tyler for looking exactly like Mario (and for stopping by to see me tonight).
Ariel for a delicious dinner of rice and pasta (and in advance for forcing me to eat healthy this week, even if it means tying me down).

Alright, now I am just procrastinating.
GRAR!

Oh, I just remembered all the laundry we did today. Clean sheets any clothes! Even though it took so fucking long. aahhh, laundry parties.
I also swept my floor and shook my rugs out, out the window.
So I have a clean room! Yay!!