"there is an Indian proverb that says that everyone is a house with four rooms, a physical, an emotional, a mental, and a spiritual. Most of us tend to live in one room most of the time, but unless we go into every room every day, even if only to keep it aired, we are not a complete person."

this was Blair's status today. I want to think about it, and practice it, and see where that takes me.

I have a whole lot on my mind right now (when do I not?) But anyway, tonight my family, along with Dane, Jess and Amanda all went to see Invictus tonight, which was a good movie. Not... amazing, as movies go. But the story is amazing, and the story is real, so that is the best part. We went to PF Changs after the movie. I enjoyed that enough. It was good to be with family, and not really have anything pressing to worry about. That doesnt mean there was nothing on my mind, or that I even felt that good. I didnt really. But... it was better than being in my dorm room, or anywhere else really.

Anyway, now I am helping Becca out with her final paper. Its a bit complicated but it relates a lot to Andean Roots, so I am really able to quickly understand the complexity of an issue I know almost nothing about. Its really good that I am learning about it though. I bet I could use it for a presentation in Spanish class next quarter. Either way, it is keeping my mind off things. And it isnt too stressful, because I don't actually have to write the paper, I just get to do the fun research and learning part.

My back is absolutely screaming at me today. I can hardly move my arms. I can't believe only a couple hours of climbing can make me feel this way. I am glad to go back and be on campus a few more days so I have time to get plenty of climbing in before the break. I plan to climb in North Bend later too, but that will be in very short increments of time, because its so fucking cold. Also, over break, I want to go to the gym with mom a whole ton. I don't want to be lazy. Like the quote says... I want to keep all aspects of my life going, so that I am really living each day.

I guess that's one of the things on my mind: death. How fragile I am. We all are.
I don't want to die, but I could, any day. Not that this is a new realization, but for some reason it has been more upfront in my mind lately. And when I was reading that cool book "Do it," it told me to look at myself in the mirror every morning and smile and tell myself "You will die." Why not? Its true. I will die. And its good to remember, so I remember to live while I'm alive. So I wrote it on my mirror, in my dorm room, and in the bathroom.

Each day I will remember how temporary all of this is...


Anyway. I am tired. Its almost 2am, and I need to go through these articles for Becca and outline how she can use them.

Oh fuck, I forgot my mouth guard on campus. :/

did I mention that I love life? haha, I am so fucking confused about everything. I feel miserable so much of the time. I feel spiteful of myself and other people so often.
I hate so much,
but remember: hate is generally a product of intense love.

...I have an awful lot of love.