so i just realized. if all goes according to plan, this will be my last quarter at Evergreen until next Spring.

I am gonna miss the Writing Center, a lot.
I am gonna make myself sick if I keep thinking so far ahead, but it really is hard not to. See, I don't know how this is going to work, cause I have to get it all worked out this quarter cause most of it I won't be able to do in Peru. And then... I think they are supposed to be done a quarter before the contract occurs, which I believe means Spring Quarter, not Summer. So...

Anyway. Tonight isn't the time to think about it. However, I don't seem to have much control over my brain lately.

Climbing is a good example. But as soon as I turned out Swell Season that seemed to help. I think I wanna go again tomorrow. 4 days in a row? Probably not that healthy, but I seriously don't think I am gonna have much time to do it when work starts. Fuck.

Don't take this too seriously, but I think I'm gonna go cry. I'm not about to jump out a window or anything... I just really need to let some of this out.

Ari and Cari are probably tired of the screaming and yelling about it. Running and climbing seem to only do so much. And writing... well... that helps too. But i just want a good cry, and I think I deserve it. This is emotional stuff.

ok, I've said enough. Time to go hug pillows.



oh, and the reason for the title of the post is because when Death Cab released "Plans" Ben Gibbard talked in an interview about a quote he likes about how god laughs at us when we make plans.
I mean, yea you could take it all religiously... like god has some sort of plan greater than we could have for ourselves. but me not believing in god... I like the idea because its true; we stress over shit and we don't have a clue what is actually going to happen, or how the way we act will affect other things.
And then they released their DVD of music videos with the songs from Plans on it and it was called Directions, which I named one of my journals.
So I guess plans should be thought of as more of a trajectory the; the direction we think we are going. But here I am with a compass but no bearing, like i said last night. well maybe i have a bearing, but it is for the wrong place and time. oh dear. i need to quit now.

anyway, doesn't really matter. the difference between definitions of words... and all these other metaphors are just tripping me out. well fuck. i am clearly to tired to think. or write.
sort of just disregard the last bit of this.

haha. goodnight.