so last night was shit
today was shit

emotionally i am... fucking fried.
i just cranked Swell Season, curled up in the cave today, and cried.
Eric found me. Didn't know what to do, not that there was anything to do.

This evening was better.worse.the same. who knows? it was better, whatever that means, because of the company (and not just the fact that I had company, but the quality of it). it was worse also, because its all more real. and its the same because maybe my resolves are different, but my questions: some were answered, most were only further complicated.

I really just need to sleep, and read my book, and do my work, and not think too much. But I also have so much I need to think about, decisions to make...

I sincerely wish I could express the depth of confusion I have right now. I feel almost... petrified.