two nights in a row of scary dreams.

last night was far more intense. it began post-apocalyptic. a typical setting from a movie: the ground nothing but lose soil that was kicked up in the stale air, and most buildings were useless. the only person i could find was my brother. I told him this was how i always thought the apocalypse would be. he asked "zombie-infested?" and suddenly a hoard of zombies appeared sprinting toward us. i turned calmly to him and said "no...everyone would just be crazed and fucked up from the radiation." and, as the zombies disappeared, so it was. we took shelter in our parents house.

I couldn't tell you if the rest was a different storyline or not. Nathan and I were alone in our house (he was set up in the room James is living in). Nathan came into my room and sat at the chair by my computer. I was laying in my bed. We talked for a bit, and were both a bit on edge. He decided to go to bed. I knew I wasn't in a state to sleep so I stayed on my bed until I heard someone messaging me on the computer. I got up and saw it was Nathan. We started continuing our previous convo but gradually the things he was saying were no longer reassuring or brotherly. He was really creeping me out, almost threatening me at some points. I told him I wasn't going to play his games anymore. Even after I had gone back to my bed he continued to write things to me. The text was so large I could still read it and what he was saying started getting even worse than before. After a bit of this I realized that there were two screennames submitting input to the convo. It was my screen name responding from my computer, only no one was sitting at my computer. All I could think was "ghost." I decided the safest thing to do was to go get Nathan. I finally worked up the courage to walk down the hall to his room. When I opened the door his laptop was on the bed, but he was nowhere to be found. The conversation was still going on the computers. I walked back to my room and found my brother sitting on my bed. He was just staring and he looked really violent. I realized he had done that wireless computer control thing and had somehow set his laptop up to type on a timer too. As I saw him sitting there, something in me said "run" so I bolted to the nearest door that locked. I knew it was easy to undo the lock on the bathroom door, and I wanted to get to a phone so I decided to climb out the window and climb across to the roof under Becca's window. I broke her screen and ran from her room to my parents. Nathan was on my tail as soon as I passed his room but I made it to the master bedroom safely, locked the door, and grabbed the phone. Nathan was yelling (but with a calm tone) about how I should know better, and that this door wasn't going to hold forever. I called my parents phone but there was no answer. I went into their bathroom and locked that door behind me too. Once I was in there I realized there was nothing to move in front of the door and I decided to redo one of my decisions. So I was back in the original bathroom and after climbing to my sister's window I decided to go back into my room instead. Once inside, Immediately I shoved my bed and futon in front of the door trying to use them together with the opposing wall to wedge it shut permanently. Still freaking out I also went in my closet, shut the door and the the same thing with that door and my shelves. Don't know what my plan after that was but that was all I really remember.


The night before last my dream was about a combination of camps: Killoqua and NYSC. Essentially I had a group of girls and I was supposed to be getting them ready for things. At first they were cooperative, just a little slow. Then one by one throughout the week they would become defiant and completely ignore everything I had to say. One day, after they had all "changed" they left during a movie we were watching at a museum in DC. When I tried to get them they started threatening me. Nothing I said had any sway over their decision to leave. I secretly followed them upstairs. They went into the bathroom (which was similar to the one at NYSC) and while they put on clothes that were far from camp-appropriate and talked about meeting up with guys to go screw in the woods, they also plotted how to get passed me, and eventually began deciding how they would murder me. I had to run away at some point, but I don't remember the details.


the dreams disturbed me deeply, but i don't think i could fully portray why they were so upsetting.



going to sleep last night I was pretty sure I was going to have a bad dream because i was being haunted by that story mom had told me the other day. it was about a woman who had been first to jump in the water to do scuba research in antarctica and who was immediately attacked and dragged down to the depths by a leopard seal. i kept imagine the thoughts that must have gone through her head and what the last thing she saw must have been. totally unrelated to my dreams, so still have no idea how this crazy mind actually comes up with these things.