Hmm, I still feel like typing...
I guess I will just write about my day.

Had lecture and seminar. Seminar has been great these past two weeks, at least for me. Some of the discussion is dry but there have been really great connections made and I feel like I've been learning a great deal. I also gotta say, I love Aubrie. We've been working together in studio group since the beginning of last quarter and she is brilliant, vibrant and so awesome to work with. I will miss her when she leaves for Texas to go to grad school, but I know she is going to do such great things for the world its hard for me to be too sad about it. She and I are interested in similar techniques for dealing with social issues but also seem to balance each other out. I love that we both geek out about city planning stuff which we did for a bit after seminar today.

A bit later when I got home, Austin invited me to go climbing with he and Ross. We hit the gym for an hour but they got worn out fast, and I had to catch the bus to go to the Writing Center pizza party at Vic's. At the party I talked to people from the center who I hadn't interacted with much before; wonderful people who have so much passion for what they do and compassion for the people involved. I am overwhelmed by the love and intention that exists in our community of tutors/writers/dreamers/doers. The time together was great but everyone trickled out without a word about bowling. Soon enough it was just Cameron and I talking about our respective experiences in Peru, and Sandy and Michael joking about their business. We parted ways from them and went to the bus stop where we both awkwardly mused about how boring it would be to go home, so we decided to just go bowling together. There was a bit of a wait at the alley and the guy at the counter sent us to the bar saying the time would pass quicker if we just had a couple drinks. Cameron and I had just been talking about how I don't drink but we laughed our way to the bar where we sat down, declined drinks, watched the bartender do some tricks, and played a game with a ripped up coaster. Then we went bowling. Not the best of my games, particularly because of my ankle so Cameron taught me some different ways to stand when I throw the ball, but I often ended up defaulting to throwing it backwards through my legs (which was surprisingly fairly successful). After our games, we ran into a group of Andean Root-ers and Ben, and then Maddie, but instead of following her to the dubstep show, we sat at the bus stop and talked for what felt like hours until the bus came. Coulda sat there all night talking though.

When I got home... I don't know how to explain what happened, but basically I got really freaked out by my housemate. I got up to my room but couldn't relax. I had an intense feeling that something bad was about to happen either to me or to him. Nervously I went down to talk to him and we ended up having a really nice conversation, at the end of which he said he felt better. It was the longest talk we've ever had and I am glad to have finally gotten to know him. He also told me that our other housemate is moving out after February, so now I'm on the watch for someone to take his place.

Hmm, I think the theme today is conversation. The synapses that can manifest or show themselves between one another sometimes seem infinite. But so often I feel like we just don't listen enough. People enter a conversation with an agenda, and so often it would be better if we just threw that to the wind. This would help us listen with more intention and be more reflective about what we say before we say it.
We need to think about the kind of person we are, what kind of expectations we have, and how to open ourselves up to the possibility that the other person will conflict with us. And then, we need to listen to them to find out who they are. We need to be self-accountable. We need to learn the art of non-violent communication. We need to recognize the power of our ability to express what we feel to one another. We need to learn how to lay our walls down, lay our arms down, and have CONVERSATIONS. We need to respond to what the other person/people is/are saying by being thoughtful about the emotions involved on either side. And these interactions through words can't be the only basis of relationship. There has to be action too. The way someone treats a conversation with me is important to me. And I have been making an effort to converse in these ways that allows less to fall through the cracks. Conversation can open up doors. Can it slam them shut too?

Oh, one of the things Cameron and I were talking about is the idea of poly-amorous relationships. It seems healthier to me to be in relationships with multiple people and talking about it, than to be in a relationship with a single person and not talk about your feelings of wanting to be with other people. (What's that one Savage Garden lyric? "I believe that trust is more important than monogamy.") That's why I don't care about the stigma around it and I am interested in trying it out eventually; if the situation is right and everyone has talked clearly and reached a mutual understand of the relationship dynamics, then why not? The problem arises when people don't say how they feel, and when someone won't listen or be accountable for how their actions might affect another. But that's when any relationship stops being effective.

Ok. Have had my fix of typing. Don't know why it's so therapeutic to just outlet like this. Maybe its just the ability to focus on something without expectations about what it has to be. The rest of this weekend is about expectations and time lines. ...And family! Because I'm going to see them tomorrow!