Woah! I ran 3 miles yesterday! Its been a bit over a year since Ive done that... it was so empowering. Somehow though, I found it harder to concentrate. Maybe it was the fact that I had to hold my MP3 player because I didn't have pockets this time. Or it could have been the elevation here compared to Evergreen, or the songs that played. Anyway, it felt wonderful when I was done. Except that immediately after I cleaned the disaster of a house (which is now dirty again because of the party last night.)

The party was good (so much amazing music and dancing!!), though I had much more fun at the Warehouse than I did when we came back here to my house. I guess I only like hosting when it is a tight group of people that I know and trust. It stresses me out to have so many people over... I should remember that.
It also stresses me out to mix groups of friends. Matt and John, with Tyler (or anyone from Evergreen), with the "Facakes," with people I don't even know. Its hard for me to navigate people, personalities, interests, ect.
Sometimes I don't know why I even try to mesh these things. I suppose it is because I want everyone to have fun with everyone else, I want to balance my time, I want my friends to experience new places and people. It doesn't matter anyway...
Back to the party. I loved the venue, and loved that almost everyone was dancing, and that there was no drama, and that Meagan was happy. The music was rad, and the performances were even better (minus my karaoke stint... haha). But yea, Sean and Spam and Croix were awesome. And James is back. :)

I don't want to go back to Evergreen. This is the problem with coming home, and its probably why I am so bipolar sometimes: I'm constantly transitioning; sleep patterns, attitudes, places, people. But... that is the way I like it. (My leaving on most weekends, it seems to piss some people off, though I can't imagine why. They don't understand.)
But, I do have to say I am making a more conscious effort to not be miserable at school, and its working, though somehow enjoying my life there is straining my life here... and that just sucks. Ah, its all about finding a balance...

Oh, and as crazy as I am about Matt's new apartment I already miss his dorm. I wish I could have spent more time with him on campus... I donno, it was just a cool feeling, and neat to be a part of a bigger school for a change. Whatever, the apartment is so rad I almost want to drop out of Evergreen and go live with them. :P

I'm anxious for next year already. How are things going to pan out? Well, that is the journey...
I just know it is going to be different with Alicia on campus. And Alex O. And Pierce? And Brian. And whomever else from Mt. Si decides to join me at EG. It should be interesting, but I'm just glad Alicia will be there to keep me from going completely insane.
Not to mention, hopefully I will be going to Peru next Spring. It's such a long ways to go, but I think that prospect is driving me right now, and I know the time until then will be filled with unthinkable and wonderful adventures, and changes.

I find it bizarre that not 2 hours ago I felt like my world was crumbling, but I always seem to be able to return to this faith that thing will turn out, that there is a balance, that we will be okay.

Remember when my return state was complete chaotic, depressive ruin? That was so many years. This is better. I'd like to say I'm happy, but I can still feel a sogginess behind my eyes, and tears coating the sides. And it reminds me why these past few weeks have been so hard.
--I like to think that movie really broke me outta that numbness I had going there for a couple weeks, but then again, there is reason behind these tears. I can cry again, at least, and that is something I need.

Arg... now on to homework. But then dinner and fun with my family!! Yay!