so...

as far as conversation goes, I really can't find anything to say to anyone. I just listen, a lot. Even when no one is saying anything I listen.

I don't know whats with me. I feel really alone, and it makes me uncomfortable and anxious, but not sad... necessarily. Well, it makes me want to curl up, sleep a lot, and cry. But I can even feel dignified in that. Which is why I don't want to label it as sadness.
I feel very "blah" for the good majority of each day. And what I mean by "blah" is unfeeling, or numb. But I use numb to describe so much pain that I can't feel anymore, and I don't think its that either.

I kinda just dont care. I will follow you on your walk, watch your TV show, listen to your story, but I probably wouldnt care if I was doing something else either.
I feel like I am just waiting. Just passing the time with you, and you, and whoever.

I want to go to Peru.
I even want to go back to school, so I can sit in a classroom or wherever, and listen, and take notes, and learn something new.
The only things that really get me motivated are traveling (even if its to a place I don't necessarily want to be, with people I don't want to be with, and even if the distance is only a few miles), doing something that involves physical exertion (dancing, jumping off a cliff into freezing water, biking somewhere), or writing/making something/doing something creative (I cut up an old shirt the other day, and made it really cute. I want to do more of that, and I think I will tonight. I have lots of shirts.)

I want to get rid of most of my stuff. I want to do this before I go back to school. But we are going to Oregon for 5 days. That's all dandy. At least its travel. And at least its with people I want to be with (my family).