5/5/10:
"I just remembered, vvhen I vvas doing my frist market survey (in Urubamba) there vvas this police officer vvho vvas hassling some of the venders. At the time I couldnt remember vvhy that seemed so familiar, but tonight I vvas vvriting a poem that reminded me of Gregario and Asunta (the characters of Andean Lives). And Asunta´s story vvhere she couldnt sell at the market because she didn´t have a permit, but she couldn´t get a permit cause she couldn´t read or vvrite in the language she needed to do so. I remember that novv. And these tvvo realities --one read, and novv one seen-- converge into realization, and I remember vvhy I am here. And I must remember that when I am discouraged and/or lazy, or when I think I am here for some other reason that would be easier for me to give up on.

I much more easily sit dovvn for myself, but not for others. I reflect on my life and I find that pattern to be pretty clear and true. Injustices upon my friends and even upon strangers have evoked strength and emotion from me that vvere beyond my control or understanding. But there are a gift. Especially novv I realize this: That I am here because I need to be. I just may have temporarily forgotten that such need vvas not simply in myself, but in the vvorld that I am a part of."

I vvrote this vvhen I vvas struggling vvith my decision to stay in Peru or go home. I vvas not yet feeling the revvards of this trip reflect in myself, and found the motivation to stay in the need that surrounded me, rather than the need in myself. I came on this trip largely to escape parts of my life that vvere monotonous and depressing; and to escape depression itself. VVhen that didnt seem to be happening I vvanted to leave and give up. Life here vvas not any easier, and far more inconvinient, but this day and this realization helped encourage me to stay. And I feel I have been revvarded in staying because now I have seemed to (at least temporarily) escape some of those things that have plagued me so long.


Today vvas another one of those days. Last vveek vvas long, and even leaving the restful vveekend I felt disheartened and exhausted and as though I vvould be of no use this week, and that I had lost interest in the vvork. But today may have been one of the most revvarding days of my trip so far... of my life too. I couldn´t explain it in detail novv, but I savv things that shocked me, things that broke my heart, and then also things that inspired me. And I think I vvas part of a team that did somethings today that will actually help change a fevv lives fairly drastically. Maybe I am exaggerating my part, but maybe not. And anyvvay, I feel really good.